thewhitelily: (Lily)
So, looks like I'm currently writing a murder mystery.  Sort of.  And it's an interesting beast.  I tend to have small casts of multi-dimensional, living and breathing characters, but for this I need to be able to sketch a large cast of flatter characters.  I know why the murderer is doing it, and I know why the victim draws their attention.  The victim is also a suspect, and I have at least three more characters.  Maybe one more red herring character.  Which means at least five or six disposable, one dimensional OCs in addition to my main characters, who are the basic BBC Sherlock crew.  This is not a long story (are you listening, Brain?!), I'm currently estimating about 10K words, and to be honest I don't care that much about the mystery itself, it's more of a subplot than a primary plot.  Five plus new characters for a subplot of a 10K word story means that these characters need to be caricatures.  They need to be so incredibly one dimensional that people will 'know' them within a single line of description and then anything on top of that is gravy.  That's a difficult prospect for me.  But probably very good for my characterisation soul.

It's also an AU beginning, which is always interesting in the way that a lot of the dialogue tends to be directly taken from the original.  And I love that about AU beginnings, I love playing 'spot the original line', and seeing the way the more things change, the more they stay the same.  (Not entirely related: I remember reading an amazing Harry-goes-back-in-time-to-fix-everything story where as a minor side frustration to Harry, Lockhart was so self involved that his lines were practically identical, no matter how much Harry tried to redirect the conversation.  It was absolutely hysterical.)  But there's a delicate balance to walk between changing too much and changing too little.  No one wants to reread a lazy copy-paste job, even when the original dialogue is brilliant.  On the other hand, the original lines are the canonical character moments, that are by definition precisely what the characters would say--so in the same situation, it is wrong to have them say anything else.  So sometimes it's hard to make them change direction.

In particular, I'm rewriting Sherlock's initial deducing-everything-about-John monologue in a situation where he hasn't had access to John's mobile, so he's focussing on other things.  I like writing Sherlock's deductions, and I've had people tell me I'm good at them.  I'm super pleased with how far this one has developed over the past 24 hours I've been working on it.

But I'm finding it difficult giving something for him to be wrong about, because the single misconception of Harry's gender is perhaps the heart of John's rock-solid belief that Sherlock has to be for real; how very many logical reasons he had to get to a point that was essentially true in all its intricate detail but technically false because of a mistake he wouldn't have made if he'd found out any other way but the one he'd described.  It was great for a number of reasons, but not least because Sherlock was so repeatedly wrong about it - he refers to John's brother at least three times before he mentions Harry by name, absolutely sets it up as a given to the audience, who also haven't yet been introduced to the idea that Sherlock might be wrong, and John is beautifully blandly noncommital about it.  "Then there's your brother," he says.   "Hmm?" says John.  Gold.  Very much sets up his dry, sly, enjoyment of poking fun at Sherlock's rare missteps.  And then there's the fact that when it comes out that Harry is a woman, it is a humorous misconception. Brother rather than gay sister with masculine name is a totally obvious assumption to have made but Sherlock is so professionally annoyed with himself for making it, or perhaps with the world for being lumpy and occasionally falling ridiculously outside the bounds of standard distribution on something that he hadn't been even a little unsure about.

As Sam Vimes puts it:
He instinctively distrusted [Clues]. They got in the way. And he distrusted the kind of person who’d take one look at another man and say in a lordly voice to his companion, “Ah, my dear sir, I can tell you nothing except that he is a left-handed stonemason who has spent some years in the merchant navy and has recently fallen on hard times,” and then unroll a lot of supercilious commentary about calluses and stance and the state of a man’s boots, when exactly the same comments could apply to a man who was wearing his old clothes because he’d been doing a spot of home bricklaying for a new barbecue pit, and had been tattooed once when he was drunk and seventeen and in fact got seasick on a wet pavement. What arrogance! What an insult to the rich and chaotic variety of the human experience!

That, I think, is what the 'there's always something' moment with Harry adds to BBC Sherlock, because that's part of the suspension of disbelief with Sherlock Holmes that BBC Sherlock didn't require us to indulge in. Sherlock Holmes isn't magic; he's science. The way many of his deductions work is by playing the probabilities, and the thing about playing the probabilities is that--while most of the time, you are right--sometimes you are wrong. ACD Holmes knows this and while he gives some mysterious hints, he doesn't like to say much until he's certain, so by the time he speaks he has accrued enough evidence and narrowed down the pathways enough that when he explains what just happened he's always right.  But BBC Sherlock draws us inside the deductions straight away, shows off and struts like a peacock and drip feeds us his arrogant brilliance throughout the show rather than saving the explanations for the end.  I like it this way; it brings in the suspense, knowing that sometimes Sherlock can and will be wrong.

The thing in my story that's naturally falling out for Sherlock to be wrong about is... not like that.  It's good, character building stuff, but it's not in any way able to poke fun at, and neither is it something compellingly obvious.  It's possible I can fix the second one with some more references to set it up; I'm good at red herrings.  It's difficult, though, because it's not a funny thing, it's a bittersweet tugs-the-heartstrings thing.  In my writing.  What a surprise.  But that means even with Sherlock's lack of social graces, he's not going to be as obnoxiously I-know-something-you-don't-know-how-I-know about it as he was about John's brother.  So maybe I need to find something else.  But then... I wouldn't get to put in my cute little tugs the heartstrings bit that I've worked out how to make John say, as long as he's correcting Sherlock.  So maybe I just need to find a way to alter this bit that I've already got, that I love, to do the job that's in front of it.

So yeah, that's... today's thing to pointlessly agonise over.
thewhitelily: (Lily)
Brain: Hey, this rehab hospital... it's kinda, interesting, isn't it?  Really sensory.  The smell, the sounds, the pattern on the carpet.  The sound of the divider curtain rings sliding on their rail.  The nurse, coughing onto the back of her glove as she walks past.
Me: Brain...
Brain: I mean, I know we're just here visiting Mum, and I know you're going to say it doesn't remind us of anyone in particular that she is a BAMF who went through orthopedic surgery on only panadol, that she's having to get around using a walking frame, do gruelling physio, and is being treated like an idiot by the attending nurses because her tremor makes people underestimate her...
Me: Brain, last BBC Sherlock story we wrote you told me she was basically Sherlock, and wasn't that the creepiest creative connection I've ever made, now you want her to be John Watson?
Brain: Not, really John, not really.  No more than she was really Sherlock, just because he happened to share a few personality traits and was getting brainwashed.  She's just... in a place where John is.  Sort of.  You know that's enough.  And, you know, it's not like we're not stuck at the moment, working on Futureproof.  Maybe, working on something else for a little bit would loosen up those creative muscles a little, get a different perspective on things.
Me: You know it doesn't really work like that.  You're just trying to distract me, because you don't like being stuck and having even less time than usual to write.
Brain: But if we don't write this one now, Mum'll be out of hospital, and you won't get to top up that inspiration every time you go to visit...  And you promised to respect the bunnies, remember?  I took the bunnies away, for five long years, and I can do it again.
Me: Brain!  Okay, okay.  Flash fic.  One night only, then we press post.
Brain: Weeeeelll...  I was thinking...
Me: One night, Brain!  That's my final offer! This sounds like a depressing story.  You know we decided not to do those anymore.
Brain: That was because they're too easy.  Tragedies are lazy writing--we can make it not depressing, if we try.
Me: We're not trying, it's a flash fic!
Brain: We're still not going to be lazy, are we?  Even a six word story needs a twist.  Look, if we start John down in the dumps, he's guaranteed to cheer up.  It's a psychosomatic limp!  He got better!

Me: Later!  It's the rehab hospital, Brain.  He doesn't get better.  Not until later.
Brain: But, but... here you go, that's why this is different!  Because what if Sherlock's here too!  On an investigation, maybe there's a Dr Death at the hospital, oooh, I know that's been done to death--haha--but I know who the killer is, and it's not the usual! And I know how Sherlock's going to find them, too, and why he...
Me: *facepalm*  Fine. Okay, Brain.  We'll do it your way.  I don't know why I bother arguing. Or why I didn't just start writing the fic in the first place.
thewhitelily: (Lily)
So far, working on Futureproof, I mostly seem to be mindmapping and charting and researching.  That's cool.  I'm developing and elucidating a lot more mental depth in both my protagonist and my main antagonist, and that's all going to come out when I get back to writing properly again.  I've been deliberately developing them as mirrors of each other, because that's one of the things I feel strongly about; every protagonist/antagonist pair should have deep similarities which draw them together--and a few tweaked circumstances that totally oppose their ways of expressing those similarities.

I don't usually do it on paper.  I don't usually do it so explicitly.  But you know what?  Usually--when I write successfully--I write fanfiction.  I have a whole body of canon for the characters I love to draw on, and fandom, and meta, and I can't expect creating a character from scratch to be as easy as fitting an existing character into a new situation.  Even constructing Erica--who I consider to be really my first published OC, even if she's kind of canon-based--for Ring Truly, I had a lot of stuff to start with, to try to make fit with what I needed from her.

Despite my paranoia of pinning things down wrongly, I actually work at my best when I'm trying to fit a round peg in a square hole.  So I need my characters to develop some bits that don't fit, all on their own.  It's too easy when I'm writing my own story to write exactly the character who belongs in the situation, and it just ends up... flat.

I'm also really enjoying using the new character thesauruses I bought on a recommendation.  They are amazing: each trait is listed with similar traits, possible causes, associated behaviours, thoughts, emotions, and positive and negative aspects, examples, as well as conflicting character traits and challenging scenarios for a character with the trait.

I didn't pull them out at all while I was writing Ring Truly; I guess I thought since I bought the books thinking about creating original characters, they wouldn't be useful for characters I already had.  But while flicking through searching out things for Futureproof, I looked up Clark and Lex's defining negative traits for the story, the ones they had to grow through to reach their happy endings, and... wow, it's like the authors were in my head, describing the characters that had grown there.  Even some of the minor things that I hadn't thought related, are apparently characteristics they consider related to those major traits.  It would have been SO incredibly useful back when I was at the banging head against the wall stage, trying to approach finding a happy ending from the plot angle!  It's also a bit of a boost that I'm obviously creating consistent characters instinctively, that the listed charateristics for a trait I've identified can light up in my mind like that as yes, yes, yes, not so much, but oh YES!

Here's me, learning from experience.  Character drives plot.  Yes, I tend to be a plot driven writer, but the more you understand the characters, the more you understand the plot.  And if I'm not writing fanfiction?  I'm gonna need to put more effort into understanding the characters.  Living them.  Being them.  And it doesn't matter if they develop in a way that doesn't necessarially serve the final direction of the plot; I'm a problem-solver at heart, and that's the situation where I thrive.

These characters are still missing... something.  They haven't properly woken up.  I don't love them, not the kind of love that would make me put down a book and go straight onto AO3 to check out the fandom.  Or straight to my word processor to write that scene that's shining vividly in my head despite having being left out of the official story.

So, I'm not writing words right now.  I'm (not entirely successfully) trying to still check in for ten minutes or so of actual writing per day, because personally, even thought I do tend to work a lot at a high level on a story, I also need to work at prose level to properly come to grips with how a character feels, and whether they're awake, or still just notes on a piece of paper.  But I'm enjoying the planning.  And Futureproof's characters are that little bit richer for it.  Hopefully soon, they'll be a lot richer.
thewhitelily: (Lily)
Seriously, Lily. No need to freak out. I know you're invested in this story, but it's just writing. You can do writing.  Break it down.  Write out a list, if you're getting overwhelmed.  Breathe.  And then start.

Speaking of nincompoops: Conservation is up.  That's four this year, suckaahs.  And that's the entirety of my Smallville unfinished folder, which has been hanging around for years, out the door.  I'm done.  At last.  Great work!  Now, ten minutes writing, starting... now.
thewhitelily: (Lily)
So this is it.  The big one.  Only actually not, because that's the whole point.

This year was going to be all about finishing things and booting them out the door, perfect or not.  I've made a fantastic start.  I've been tracking my writing this year, which is really interesting.  I've written almost 30,000 words in three months, and it's about to be nearly 40,000 that I've posted.  I'm about to release my fourth fic for this year.  This is... seriously amazing, for me.  (Objectively, 3/4 of the posted words being newly written is not exactly a high hit rate for 'getting previously unposted words off my hard drive'.  But that's how my process works; all the words come in the editing phase.)  Three of those fics weren't finished when the year started.  One was, but I'd been having some significant problems with letting it go, so I'm counting it.  And one fic wasn't even started.  I've got five more fics lined up for posting after that, all ready to go, which takes me through to September on my Fic Per Month schedule that I'd set myself.  Some of them are pretty wimpy little fics: one's 2000 words, but the rest are under 500, and one's only a drabble.  So if I feel inspired to upgrade to finishing one of my other WIPs instead, I can do that.  But given the energy I've expended on the big three, and in combination with cross-posting some of my older works I've already posted around the place, I'm happy to consider that they satisfy my goal.

I'm also planning to do NaNoWriMo again this year, so I'd like to have enough fic to see out the year before I hit November.  Preferably some more Sherlock, because it's a great fandom and I'd love finish off my expansions to the Living Conditions universe.  Or maybe some Imperial Radch, because those books sucked me in liek woah.  But I've got plenty of time to think of that, because we're only about to hit April.  I don't feel like surely it must still be January, like I usually would at this time of year--I feel like it must be at least June, because I've already done so much.  I'm way ahead of the game.  Which is good.  Because the other thing I'd like out of the way before November, so I can focus properly, is... Futureproof.  Oh, man, I'm sure anyone who's been following me since 2006 NaNoWriMo is bored of me trying to finish Futureproof, because... only, no... wait... That's right: I have no ongoing followers from back then.  Or if I do, you are lurkers who never post or comment and have only yourselves to blame.  And I love you anyway.  :)

So here I go.  Finishing Futureproof was the ultimate goal of this year.  Finishing it, and getting on with my next novel. This story has been dogging my steps for nearly ten years.  It's not going to make it to ten, do you hear me!  Before November, it will be gone.  Off to a publisher, or posted online, or something.  Out of my brainspace.  It doesn't have to be perfect, it just needs to be out of the way so I can get on with writing the next thing with a clear conscience, learning and getting better all the time.  I can't throw it away.  It doesn't deserve that, and I ended up literally needing psychological help after I tried.  Yes, literally.  I'm a writer, I don't misuse that word.  Also, Futureproof's good.  It's actually really good.  And it's come a long way from the NaNovel I tried to walk away from.  But it's got some major flaws in it that have made it difficult for me to deal with.  Maybe I can fix them; maybe I can't.  But if I can't, I think I need to learn to live with them and sign off on it anyway.  It doesn't have to be the best thing I've ever written.  It just has to be done.

I've taken the last week of March off writing, because otherwise after Ring Truly I was starting to look down the barrel of burning out.  I hope Conservation plays well when I post it, and gives me the boost I need, because as of April 1st--yeah, I know, hello irony, but I'm not actually kidding--my main focus is going to be on getting Futureproof finished.  Not getting overwhelmed or depressed or convinced that this is the only idea for a novel I'll ever have so it'd better be absolutely perfect, because my hard drive is overflowing with proof to the contrary.  Like The Unknown Clone, and Cloud Castles, and Shifting Sands, and even The Enchanted Cello, all of which deserve to be finished.  Wow, I don't think I've ever listed them out like that; I honestly hadn't realised that I have five original novels lying around waiting to be finished.  I'd mainly thought about my finishing problem being one original novel and a stack of fanfic, but... five original novels! Shifting Sands has over 75,000 words!

I just need to get them done, one by one, because each one will teach me something new I need to learn so that the next one will be better.  And easier.  If there's one thing I've learned about getting things finished in the past few months, it's that with my work?  I don't need to worry about the polish; that comes on its own, all I need to do is make myself sit down and work on the problems I see. Futureproof is first, because it's by far the closest to being there.

Current problems I see with the manuscript:
1) A very few minor holes in the narrative.  No problem, I should be able to nix them now I've buffed up my filling-in-holes muscles, and I can definitely use a combo of the following four points to fill the gaps.
2) Protagonist problems.  Gary's kind of limp, actually.  Reactive.  And cowardly.  Which is in some ways how he's meant to be, because those are his main character flaws.  But he does believe in things, and passionately--it's just the way that I've set up the plot, for the majority of the time, the only actual actions he takes in pursuit of his beliefs are passively waiting it out in the conviction things will turn out for the best, studiedly doing nothing when presented with a decision, and manfully not wetting himself in terror when presented with a consequence.  He really needs some brainstorming to work out how to bring the reader investment into him.
3) Antagonist problems.  My three minor villians are brilliant and deep, but the Big Bad is... absent.  He's got motivations and actions and history and so on, what he's missing is a character that promotes any reader investment at all.
4) Tension issues.  This is a big one actually, and relates to problems 2 and 3--particularly 2--and also a poor mystery/suspense writing.  I wrote this while I was in my keep-everything-secret-for-as-long-as-possible mode, and I was ending up writing stuff that was not so much 'wow, what a twist' but 'what's going on, why am I reading this, and by the way what just happened and why was I supposed to care?!'  Okay, so it's not that bad, but I'm much much better at handling tension than I was when I originally wrote this thing, so I should be able to fix it easily.
5) Worldbuilding emptiness.  This is mostly a problem for later.  I can deal with this when I've got the whole thing complete.  Or not.  Because it's really not that bad.  But in the meantime, if I'm having trouble writing anything else, I can start writing behind-the-scenes vignettes to wake up the little grace notes that make a universe sing in the reader's mind.  Writing that sort of thing is usually pretty good at waking up uninspiring plot/characters, too.

Looking at all that, it's hard not to feel overwhelmed.  Some of those things sound pretty fundamental.  But no really, there's plenty of good story that's actually there, I just haven't talked about those bits.  And I think the foundation I've got should mean most of those things are more in the realm of elaboration and tweaking than major rewriting.  I'm going to need to do some drawing and charting, but that's good, because the next couple of weeks are school holidays and I'll have the boys at home with me.  Messing around on big bits of paper with them is always better than trying to hide away in my room on my laptop.  I think it's realistic--if assuming some level of tenacity--to think I should be able to deal with problems 1-3 in April, with possible opportunistic forays into 4 and 5, although I intend to mostly leave them until May.  I can do this thing.  If not perfectly, then at least... successfully.

And that's all I need to ask of myself.  Tomorrow will be here soon.  This isn't a big deal, it's just writing.  One word in front of the other.  I'm rested and ready.  Bring it on.
thewhitelily: (Lily)
I'm trying to write humour at the moment: finishing off a little 800 word story based on a mediocre pun, which I had lurking on my hard drive, because this year is the year of Finishing Things and Getting Them Out The Door.  So far I'm well on track for my goal which was to finish and post something new every month.  January's Glass Darkly ripped out hearts, February's Red Tulips melted them, and I'm quietly hoping that March's Conservation will be just as brilliant, but with a smile.

Finishing is the part I've always found hardest on stories - not so much editing, but filling in the last few gaps in the narrative, smoothing out the boring bits of how they get from one crucial scene to another and working through how to write scenes where the characters are uncooperative because they wouldn't quite do that.  My writing is densely packed with meaning,  I don't write filler.  Transitions and lets-just-close-our-eyes-and-pretend-they'd-actualy-do-this bits are horrifyingly awful for me to write.  But I noticed something about the way I write while I was working on Living Conditions, and the writing I've done this year has allowed me to grasp hold of it and understand something fundamental about my process, making it a lot easier.

So here's the thing: everything I write is crap, at first.  And short.  My technique is a bit similar to the Snowflake Method (only actually way different): the first words down on the page are a very rough sketch that is an intrinsically awful reflection of the concept I'm holding in my mind, and then I work and work and work on those words until they're filled out into something beautiful and meaningful.  When I'm inspired and the words are flowing, this all happens so automatically I don't even notice how wrong those first words were.  But when I'm not inspired by the transitions I need to make the rest of the story work, those first few sketchy lines are incredibly hard to draw because it feels abhorrent to put something so awful next to the jewels that make up the rest of the story.  And I despair of ever being able to successfully polish it to match.  I know what has to happen happen, I just don't know how to write it.  But I don't need to know how to write it, because for me the how comes a long time after the writing itself.  'What' is enough for the sketching lines.  'How' does have its own difficulties, but will essentially look after itself.

Conservation has finally reached what I call the 'complete framework' stage--where it flips over from being agonising work sewing together scenes into being all there apart from my consuming obsession with fixing and elaborating the insufficiently awesome bits.  And of course, it's grown from 800 to over 7000 words long, and is dipping dangerously close to angst in places.  Because I am me.  And I'm starting to feel like, no matter how different humour is to the things I usually write, I actually can do it.

And as far as polishing goes, humour is very different to anything I usually write.

In the end, to work, humour needs to look effortless, and I think I've been falling for the myth that it is.  But in the end, it's like writing anything else: 2% inspiration, 98% hard work brainstorming and inspecting every phrase and every word with a magnifying glass to maximise the impact.  No wonder I haven't written much humour before if I've been relying solely on inspiration. I've been finding Scott Adam's Humor Formula very helpful in working out what I can do to make something a little more giggle-worthy.  Unfortunately by the time I get through that process with a joke, it's sometimes beginning to lose the shine so I lose confidence in it. Humour is so dependant on a freshness that isn't as necessary for other genres. It's hard to get that instinctive feeling that it has clicked into a place where it's just right, when actually to me the joke's not all that funny anymore.

I think it's clear that I'm not going to be the next Terry Pratchett.  But I'll be me, and maybe the me I am will have another tool that I understand how to use for whatever it is that 'me' wants to write.

And
I think I'm managing to balance it and pull it back from the brink of becoming too angsty or too farcical, weaving the threads of both together to make something that's even better.  I hope.  I've made a number of people laugh out loud by cherry-picking snippets for them, although one of those was reading aloud to Hubby so the inclusion of expression means it possibly doesn't count.

I think Conservation is working.  It's certainly working well enough to get it out the door even if it's not perfect.  Everything is learning, and if I don't try to write humour because it's frustrating to be so awkward at it, I'll never understand it and I'll never get close to the point where I can tickle a funny bone with the same sadistic glee that I can tug on a heartstring.  And I'll never get to practice what I need to practice most of all: finishing the damn things, and letting them go.  Because this story doesn't need to be perfect; there's always another story coming along, and that one will be better for my having the courage to face the imperfections, turn the handle, and get this one done.
thewhitelily: (Lily)
So first of all, go out and read it. It's brilliant. Second of all, go out and read it.  Third, did I mention you should read it?

Ann Leckie hits the spot precisely here, writing the kind of fiction I hope to write, the kind of fiction I like to read.  The characters are deep and quirky, spectacularly powerful yet unexpectedly limited.  The world is rich and full of history and vivid detail and with consistently and deeply thought through cultural strangeness, thought provoking and mind twisting.  The plots are neat and satisfying, with all the possibilities thought through, all the loose ends tucked in and satisfyingly fall out to a inevitable (yet thrilling and surprising) conclusions.  Just... really, really quality stuff.

So, given I have nothing to complain about and essentially nothing except perfect-in-every-way praise to lavish on it, I'm going to get out my writers goggles to note down and occasionally disect a couple of techniques I noticed and/or loved.  Mostly from Ancillary Justice.

With spoilers! )
Finally, OMG, this woman was a bored stay at home mum in 2002, wrote a novel in NaNoWriMo, and ten years later had turned it into this.  Can I just say, I want her life?  And it is astonishingly inspiring to see someone who has done exactly what I want to do.  Okay, Lily, head down, bottom up.  If you want this thing, then you write this thing.  :)

Cleaned out

Dec. 8th, 2015 05:08 pm
thewhitelily: (Lily)
I feel strange, since I finished writing Living Conditions.  Like I want to write, but there's nothing there.  It feels like the equivalent of having been on some sort of mental cleansing diet for two months, channeling every bit of inspiration, every bit of emotion, every idea, everything I have to say directly into one story.  I feel drained, like there's nothing bubbling out that has to be said, no fountain of ideas constantly trying to burst its way free of my head.  Emptied out.  Maybe that's the way it should be.

By the time I reach the end of a story, the characters are so alive, so vivid in my head--and the conclusion of their journey is at that point so obvious, so entirely unable to be any other way--that it feels like the writing came easily.

It didn't, of course.  It never does--each phase has its own special challenges.  The obsessive rereading is about the only part that ever does come easily.  But once the characters are so alive to me and the plot so solid, the writing is very different.  It's more feeling out the edges of an amorphous fog in my head, pinning down the specifics, fixing the rough edges of the first clumsy attempts to capture something I didn't understand, and filling in the gaps in an existing solid framework.  In the final stages, the creativity happens instinctively, and my conscious mind is fully focussed on the mechanics of making it happen and drawing every possible nuance out of what I've already got.

I don't feel like a creative person.  I feel like a mechanics person who happens to stumble over creative ideas, and is then unable to leave them alone until I do them properly.  The idea of looking at a blank page and having to Do Something Creative...  That's not me.

I remember feeling this way after His Son's Father, too.  And The Mother of Invention, for all it was short, because it was... intense. Promise Ring was such a learning curve that by the time I finished it, everything I wrote was already better.  But for ages, nothing I wrote matched up to what I felt I'd acheived in HSF.  Of course it didn't.  HSF was complete and polished, all its various bits and pieces tucked into place and aligned.  Certainly nothing matched MOI with its polish and double meanings, likewise with all its bits neatened and straightened away.

Living Conditions is more than either of those.  It's twice the length of HSF, with four times the depth in the characters.  And four times the complexity and meaning of MOI.  All settled into place and content.  Perfectly complete, if not completely perfect.  Of course starting on a cold, incomplete story can't compare to that incredible rightness of slotting those last few puzzle pieces into place on something that's on fire in my mind.


This feeling of insufficiency will pass.  I will write things that feel mediocre for a while.  I'll keep feeling a bit flat for a while. I'll go out in the sun.  Play with my children.  Reconnect with the real life friends I've been ignoring because I withdrew into my shell trying to get those words out of my soul and onto the page.  Sorry, guys.  Remind myself about the life I've been sleepwalking through for the last little while, because it still doesn't really feel as real to me as the story does.  And I'll follow my heart.  I'll write what I can, when I can.

I've been through this before.  And soon, something new will start to burn inside.  Then I'll be writing again.
And I don't have to worry about whether what I'm writing is mediocre or not, because I can't help myself.  Even if I tried, I couldn't stop the next story I write from being even better than the last one.  Or the next one, from being even better than that.

Description

Dec. 5th, 2015 10:18 pm
thewhitelily: (Lily)

I'm not a visual writer.  I'm not sure how much this comes across in my writing; people rarely comment on the lack, and there's certainly plenty of description of other kinds, but it is absolutely true.  I rarely describe things visually.

The only thing I tend to write visually is eyes--they sparkle, or they shine, or they go dark, or whatever it is they're doing.  This isn't really as much of an exception as it seems, because it's a shortcut for an emotion.  Really, it's still about how it feels.  I wouldn't be able to tell you the eye colour of more than more than a handful of people outside my immediate family.  To be honest, I'm not actually sure that I can remember my mother's eye colour.  I'm pretty sure it's brown?  My dad's were blue.  I've just remembered that.  Mum's must be brown.  Only a very few of my characters have an eye colour I care about.

For the rest, it's all how it feels.  I'm not blind--just perhaps a little oblivious--but my imagination, it seems, is. I write about how things feel, where things are positioned, how they're moving.  Kinesthetic stuff, not visual.  And not just things the POV character can touch, not even just every character, but everything in the scene.  Think of me as the Daredevil of writing.  Mostly it's just people that matter to me enough to give off a 'signal'--you won't get descriptions or clothing unless it's moving somehow, but you'll get what their expressions are doing and how their bodies shift.  The tiny details that make what they're doing matter.

Part of it's that I rarely write things at all until they matter to the plot, and visuals... well,
unless I've got a smoking gun that I need to hide among the geraniums, they don't usually register as necessary.

It's actually a pretty immersive way of writing.  As far as I'm concerned, it's far, far better than too much description.  I don't think people miss it, much.  At least, they don't in fanfiction, where the characters and setting are already vivid in the reader's mind.

But I think for my original work, it's something that is sorely lacking.  God save me from introducing characters like Dan Brown, with a potted summary of their history to date, but I think it's a problem to get nothing out of me on the colour of anything, or on how any of my characters look.  Two of the characters in Futureproof have blonde hair, two have 'dark', one has 'dark eyes'.  Three have their height mentioned.  I'm pretty sure that's nearly it, apart from a couple of people whose work clothes are relevant to the plot.  Seriously?  In what's approaching 70,000 words of sci-fi worldbuilding, I suspect that's a problem.

It's a problem I've been thinking about for a while: how to get more comfortable with descriptions.  I noticed the poetic concision coming much more easily when I was working on Living Conditions than it ever used to, and I think it's from the work I've done on drabbles.  Apparently they really are a great way to learn to say more--much, much more, if you're doing them right--with less.

Now I want to work on my visual descriptions.

For the moment, I've decided to start keeping a people-watching file.  I'm writing one-sentence descriptions of people I know, or people I see in the street.  Maybe eventually even people in my head.  Like an artist, carrying a sketchbook--only mine is for words.  Maybe I'll try sketching some locations with words, too.

I'm going to try and add something to it every day. I remember I got faster at writing drabbles--much faster--the more I practiced.  The first couple back then took me a week of polishing.  Later ones, only an hour.  And this is fun.  Hard, but... fun, thinking how to condense a real complete person I know's manner and character--that bright recognition of them--into just one short sentence of physical description, something that takes one clean and creative detail and tells a story in itself.

Maybe it'll help, maybe it won't.  It might help as a characterisation exercise, too; maybe it'll help with the abominable trouble I usually have creating characters, pinning them down and forcing them to coalesce them out of the amorphous something they exist as in my head into reality before they need to because they've suddenly become unexpectedly relevant to the plot.

If not, then at least I'll have a long list of interesting ready made character descriptions to steal from.  And that will definitely help.

thewhitelily: (Lily)
I've finally finished reading The Rosie Project, which is a lovely light read featuring a narrator with Aspergers syndrome, which should make it an instant favourite for me.  And it is.  I love it.  It's really good.

But it's taken me over a year to read, becasue I simply can't stand it.

I've always been completely helpless in the face of embarrassment comedy.  Seinfeld, or Coupling, or (god forbid) The Worst Week of My Life are, for me, the equivalent of a horror movie.  A book's a bit easier than TV, because I can skip ahead a few pates and, assuming things turn out okay, go back to skim it and, if that seems safe, read it properly.  It just triggers an intense overstimulation of every panic hormone I have every few pages, because I empathise so deeply with characters--far more than I do with people, to be honest.

In any case, The Rosie Project's a great book.  Super Aspergers Cocktail Man was, without a doubt, the highlight of the book for me.  I want him running my local bar.  And then I want time to be able to go there.  :P

I was a little put off by the love relationship--I've always been dubious about incompatibility so strong that it's love.  Then again, I do understand that Hubby and I are weird, in the fact that we are so very close to identical in our outlooks and what, as it turns out, is more of a Vulcan love grown from and strengthened by logic and convergent neural networks than one that could be found in the pages of... well, pretty much any story ever.  I don't think I've ever managed to covey to anyone how awesome it is to be in a relationship that's as close to narcicisstic as you can get outside clonecest.  But I did like Rosie and Don's love relationship anyway, mainly because of the dancing scene.  That was... well, it was for me the best scene in the story for showing that Rosie really did love him for his craziness as much as he loved her for hers.  Even if I had to read it backwards to make my adrenaline behave.

Technically, it was beautiful.  I can never write humour, and there was a great deal of sly commentary going on that didn't exactly go over Don's head, but that he just didn't get emotionally.  I love the way an inadequate narrator allows you to draw a big scene or memory in a few crucial details that wakes up the entire scene in the reader's head, without the narrator running the risk of getting too tell-y, because even if they are telling, they're telling the wrong things.  And I love the way an inadequate narrator allows you to build suspense, where you can cue the reader in to what's about to happen to make them squirm, and still take the narrator by surprise.  I'm unfortunately just too squeamish when there's embarrassment on the line.

Great book, well worth a read.  Unless you're like me, you probably won't need a cushion to hide under.  :)

Flame war

Nov. 29th, 2015 10:59 am
thewhitelily: (Lily)
Woke up this morning to what I would call, if the original poster hadn't disappeared from the scene, a flame war going on in the comments.  Apparently the readers have rallied behind me--the moment in question was clear, her manners were unacceptable, and oddly enough I did actually manage to sleep.  I feel much, much better.  :)  
thewhitelily: (Lily)
Someone sent me a flame on my new story.  It was inevitable with something edgy like this.  Unreliable narrator, sexual assault, and disturbing relationship parallels...  I can see where she was coming from.  But she wasn't polite.  Apparently it made her want to vomit, and I didn't spend enough time on the pairing she preferred, and she hated the ending because the place the hope came from was sick.

It's ridiculous.  I mean, I know she's wrong in pretty much every respect about this - for starters she'd clearly chosen the wrong story to read, and for the rest of it, the line that made her want to vomit obviously made her start skimming and skip the resolution of that because the next few lines pretty much fix exactly the things she complained about.  Or maybe she read it, she just didn't understand because my narrator doesn't specifically point out his next few lines completely invert the meaning of the first one.  Perhaps she should have gone for a story where the characters were magically turned into kittens and everyone is completely emotionally aware all the time.

Unfortunately for her, all of my plot bunnies turn out to have fangs and go straight for the throat.  This one more than usual.

The feedback on this story has been unexpectedly effusive.  Words like genius, extraordinary, mind-blowing, intelligent, spectacular, truthful, and unique--to the point where it had finally overcome my ambiguous feelings about the happenings therein and reinforced what I knew in my gut to be true: this is a brilliant story, well worth sharing.

I don't mind constructive criticism--I love constructive criticism--I love to hear which bits have worked for someone, which bits havn't so I can do more of the things that worked and less of the things that don't, so I can get closer to that perfection which is every moment working for every reader all the time.  (Ha!  Even I know that's impossible.)  If I can work on them, that is.

It's not even like I think she was right.  She didn't have a point, not about anything she said. She'd clearly misunderstood the line that was her main complaint--she got exactly what I wanted out of it, she just didn't keep reading to get the kick in the guts fixed. And it's not even like she went after the vulnerable bits that I already felt a bit queasy about--she went after my favourite bit of one of the most perfect and necessary portions of the resolution, and what was essentially the central tenant the whole story, which if she didn't like she could have stopped reading at chapter 3.

But now, here I am, having panic attacks, dreading going to bed because I know as soon as I let my mind stop being intensely distracted in the moment, this horrible feeling in my chest will spread all over and try to drown me. I should have been asleep two and a half hours ago to catch up on the sleep I've been missing writing this story.

I need to go to bed.  Wish me luck.
thewhitelily: (Lily)
Hello everyone!  I'm sure no one's watching this any more--it's been five years, but I think I might have somewhat started to emerge from the fog of mothering very young children.  I'm writing again, and so here I am, writing about writing, and about my life.

It's funny, because in the last two months I've somehow managed to write an entire, stunningly brilliant 60,000 word fanfiction novel, and I've talked very little about it.  I've been obsessed; I've been consumed; I've given up eating and sleeping and talking to anyone who exists outside my head; I've lost over 10% of my body weight, which is usually the sign of a good story for me.  And I've created something extraordinary.  It's turned out to be little like the evil adult love-child of His Son's Father and Mother of Invention, and it's in the BBC Sherlock fandom.  Come on, there's so many geniuses in that fandom--you knew I couldn't stay away.

Yes, it's fanfiction, which is not the direction I had decided to go with my writing, but I guess I must write where inspiration takes me.  Speaking of which, it's... disturbing.  And explicit.  And very gay.  And did I mention disturbing?  None of which was really where I wanted to be heading with my writing either, but I haven't been able to leave this story alone--it's just too good.  Did I mention it was also powerful, and hopeful, and thought-provoking, and tense, and emotional, and packed with vivid characters, and absolutely laden with layers of meaning and genuine things to say?  And it has a happy ending?  The comments I've been getting seem to confirm it; it's not just me.  This story deserved to be finished.

You know the thing of which I'm probably most proud?  I know it's not perfect.  There's lines, there's whole scenes, there's words that aren't... exactly right.  Words that I could spend hours or days on, obsessing over, trying to find exactly the right fit.  But I'm not doing that.  I'm not saying I haven't done that at all, because I have.  One sentence ended up with an essay and a flowchart to sort out the six layers of meaning I was trying to convey with it--but I'm doing my best to save it for the moments that are the most important.  For the rest, I'm doing the easiest 99% of the job, and letting the other 1% go. And I'm posting it anyway.  99% perfect is actually pretty damn good.  

In any case, at this point I'm about to post the tenth and final chapter, and I guess I'm coming up for air.  I'm thinking about what I've done, and what I'm going to do next.  And I'm thinking about how I'm going to do it, to make sure that I keep this momentum--keep finishing things, keep creating things that are worthwhile, and keep doing things that are important to me, not just as Mum, but as me.

I've still been checking in on Futureproof regularly, and it's progressing.  It's had a lot of good work on it, and I'm going to go back to working on it, or perhaps have another go at starting something else original, as soon as this current story packs itself and its assorted outtakes up and vacates my brain.

I've come to terms with the way I work on things.  It takes me a long time to write something good, it needs to bake in my brain.  Bursts of all-consuming obsession interspersed with vacations--it's during the vacations that some of the most truly extraordinary things happen to the story, so I'm not worried--when I do get back to Futureproof, there'll be something amazing there waiting for me again.  If there's not, I'll give it a brief spring cleaning to make sure nothing's hiding under the beds, and then work on something else for a while.

So here's my question: does anyone still read this?  Or am I still stuck in my head, talking to myself?
thewhitelily: (Default)
I was having a chat today with a barista at the coffee shop where Hubby and his Dad spend some ten hours per week. (Apparently there's nothing wrong with the previous statement.)

In any case, she's been writing in her spare time and wants to make a career of it so that she can travel, and Hubby's dad wanted me to have a chat with her to see what happened. It turns out, she's ready to submit her first kids' book for publishing, which is a totally awesome effort and possibly disqualifies me from giving her any advice (at least until I've entered the rejection-resubmission cycle with Futureproof :P). In any case, as usual, I recommended fanfiction as a cheap and easy way of getting feedback and growing as a writer, and NaNoWriMo as a way of getting a quick and dirty and most of all finished first draft. We chatted about not expecting to be the next Rowling, and about the horror stories we'd heard about trying to get published.

I'd forgotten to make a list of the blogs and books I'd recommend beforehand, but I put one together for her afterwards.

Then I realised I should probably post them here. )

So that's my list of favourite resources. Who's got something to add?
thewhitelily: (Default)
Futureproof (whose working title was Return to Sender) is nine scenes away from complete second draft. Perhaps five to ten thousand words all up.

Not all the rest of it is as polished as I would like (that would be third draft, for weaving and threeing), but it's more than adequate to support the story. Nine scenes, though, are pretty close to empty, with notes on things I need to happen there. A follows a reluctant B home. X dies. Y makes a stirring speech that contains crucial exposition and character development (ack! No wonder I'm having trouble with that one!). P gets manipulated by a guilty Q who can't help himself. All are in the third quarter of the story; the second half of the second act, where we're past the midpoint and the plot thickens with every word, but we haven't yet reached the point where the ball starts rolling inexorably onwards.

It's all important development, and each individual scene is incredibly close to reaching critical mass, where enough components fall into place that there's only one path and the writing simply takes care of itself. I feel like with enough brainstorming, it should just fall out. All I need to do is get back into it, put my head down and use the snowflake technique rather than the stare at the page until I think of something to write technique, and stop getting distracted by the shinyshiny rest of it.

Still. Nine scenes. Three times three.

I think my manuscript might be mocking me.
thewhitelily: (Default)
I really have to come to terms with the fact that not everything is better if it comes as a surprise.

I suspect I need to have Orson Scott Card's views on the subject in How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy engraved on my wall.
I believe that most stories that fail do so because the writer, having thought up a neat idea for a story, then structured the story so that it leads up to the moment when that neat story idea is revealed.

This is fine, of course, when the story really is about the struggle of a character to find the answer to a question. But it's terrible when it's the readers, not the characters, who are doing the struggling. The mystery in these cases is not a single question--Who killed this man? Why does this large planet have such low gravity? Instead the questions are more basic. What's going on? Why am I reading this?
Perhaps, Lily, if it's difficult to convey necessary information, or to keep the POV character from thinking about a certain subject in a certain way until after The Reveal(tm), perhaps, just perhaps, it's not a secret you should be keeping.

Just a thought.
thewhitelily: (Default)
So, I've got a functional version 1.0 of Squidesaurus, the relational thesaurus for writers.

The current idea is that, rather than trawling the Internet at large, it uses the full text of books from Project Gutenberg to build up its database of word relationships. Hopefully, eventually, it'll trawl Gutenberg without me having to download and feed in each book separately.

Not sure, as yet, whether it will be actually useful, but it's certainly been an interesting project. I've taken the opportunity to come to grips with WPF and C#, both of which are simultaneously cool and frustrating. The algorithms involved in cleaning up the text, removing stop words, stemming the words (so that "running", "runner", and "runs" gets put into the same box with "run"), and then actually traversing the text searching for word pairs, are quite involved and intriguing.

My test case has been Moby Dick, which I thought would have some nice high-frequency combinations in there. The results are substantially like I expected, which is always a good thing to hear when developing software.

Looking within five words of:
"whale" gives back "sperm", "white", "right", and "great"
"ship" gives back "sail", "whale", "sea", and "boat"
"leg" gives back "ivory", "one", "ahab", and "lost"

Now I've also fed in Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, Two Years Before the Mast, and Treasure Island. Yes, there's a theme.

Now, within five words of:
"ship" gives back "board", "sail", "crew", and "like"
"sea" gives back "red", "upon", "bottom", and "open"
"water" gives back "surface", "fresh", "salt", and "clear"
"squid" gives back "apparition", "arm", "thing", and "whale"

No results back yet on the 'usefulness' issue, but hopefully, as I feed it more and filter the results to compensate for words that are just plain common, I suspect it should get better.

Even if I do say so myself, I'm rather impressed.

Concision

Jan. 27th, 2009 09:41 pm
thewhitelily: (Default)
There's something vaguely... unmistakeable about an email drafted by a lawyer. It contains sentences like this:
Further to and in addition to my recent request as regarding the above named I would be most grateful if you would kindly also confirm that the following is to the best of your knowledge true.
It's like someone removed all the nouns and left the rest of the words scurrying about trying to make sense without them. There's also something incredibly tempting about the idea of replying:
Yes.
Or, as there wasn't really a question, perhaps:
Would you? That's nice.
Alas, with my friend's job on the line, I chose to give in to my more verbose instincts and assured the author of the email that the statement which she had asked me to confirm was, to the best of my knowledge, true. I then went on to repeat a rephrasing of the actual statement back to show that I had comprehended.

Imitation, they say, works in interviews. I hope it works in giving references, too.

---------
The contents of this post may contain privileged information. White Lily Inc does not warrant that this post is complete, correct, or free of grave factual errors. Details may have been changed to protect those scared shitless by lengthy legal disclaimers. Any remaining resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is wholly coincidental and probably as a result of consuming funny mushrooms. White Lily Inc disclaims all responsibility for any opinions, words, actions, or lack thereof of any individual or partial individual not duly authorised to represent White Lily Inc as a whole. If you are not, without limitation, the intended recipient of this post, please immediately report to the White Lily Inc re-education facility nearest you. Notwithstanding. Hereforeto. QED.
thewhitelily: (Default)
I'm beginning to realise anew that the most truly horrifically powerful scenes are ones where the point of view character is undisturbed by events. And that contrasting reactions to similar (to the reader's mind) situations is an excellent way of exploring a protagonist's moral code and exposing the path for growth.

In related news: Return to Sender is now closed for new characters. Please do not turn up in my narrative expecting a substantial supporting role, because in addition to being quite enough, nine is a nice round number. Thank you for your cooperation.
thewhitelily: (Default)
I’ve realised one of the reasons why I’m usually disappointed when I consult a thesaurus looking for whatever that word is that I’m really looking for—what I’m usually looking for is much closer to a word association dictionary than anything else.

For example, at the moment, I’m working on a paragraph that begins: It was like kissing a squid.

I love the image. For starters, squid is an excellent word in this context, because it’s short and punchy and the squ sound is uncommon enough to bring a little surprise to intensify the humour and onomatopoeically bring to mind a host of appropriate unpleasant words like squish, squelch, or squeeze. It’s creepy and unnatural and undignified; it’s a confusion of flailing limbs; it’s cold, wet, and impossible to escape the suction to surface for air. And don’t even get me started on camouflage, grotesque intelligence, coiled arms, inky eyes, beaky noses, or cold fish.

The word use is coming really easily; I’m having to rein it in with both hands and my teeth to halt the descent into madness. That's no problem. I'll pick a few (perhaps three?) of the best, and then scatter a couple of the more subtle ones into the remainder of the scene, the reader’s mind will fill in the rest.

But finding the words doesn’t always come this easy, and it’s obvious, now I think of it, why I hardly ever find it helpful to look in a dictionary, thesaurus, or even an encyclopaedia for help with imagery. None of them are close to the actual relationship between the words that I’m looking for, which I guess is why it’s so damn hard, and why it’s so damn awesome whenever you find a writer who pens excellent images.

Surely there’s a niche market out there, though, for an imageaurus? Something like Visual Thesaurus, where you can follow the links to relations of relations, to go from squid to ink to black, or squid+ink to cloud, etc.

What I really need to do is build a web crawler that examines text for words commonly found near “squid” (and every other word, of course) and ranks the strength of their relationship based on number of hits and proximity. Of course, it wouldn’t go all the way to producing original and compelling images, any more than a dictionary or a thesaurus does. It would probably even contribute the problem of having every kiss described as ‘passionate’ and every villain described as ‘evil’, but I think it’d be an awesome tool in the hands of a good writer...

On second thoughts, what I really need to do is to find that someone else has built this exactly as I want, with minimal effort to me.

Who said all the good ideas were taken? :P

Profile

thewhitelily: (Default)
The White Lily

January 2021

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31      

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 17th, 2025 10:42 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios