thewhitelily | Lily's back!

Hello everyone! I'm sure no one's watching this any more--it's been five years, but I think I might have somewhat started to emerge from the fog of mothering very young children. I'm writing again, and so here I am, writing about writing, and about my life.

It's funny, because in the last two months I've somehow managed to write an entire, stunningly brilliant 60,000 word fanfiction novel, and I've talked very little about it. I've been obsessed; I've been consumed; I've given up eating and sleeping and talking to anyone who exists outside my head; I've lost over 10% of my body weight, which is usually the sign of a good story for me. And I've created something extraordinary. It's turned out to be little like the evil adult love-child of His Son's Father and Mother of Invention, and it's in the BBC Sherlock fandom. Come on, there's so many geniuses in that fandom--you knew I couldn't stay away.

Yes, it's fanfiction, which is not the direction I had decided to go with my writing, but I guess I must write where inspiration takes me. Speaking of which, it's... disturbing. And explicit. And very gay. And did I mention disturbing? None of which was really where I wanted to be heading with my writing either, but I haven't been able to leave this story alone--it's just too good. Did I mention it was also powerful, and hopeful, and thought-provoking, and tense, and emotional, and packed with vivid characters, and absolutely laden with layers of meaning and genuine things to say? And it has a happy ending? The comments I've been getting seem to confirm it; it's not just me. This story deserved to be finished.

You know the thing of which I'm probably most proud? I know it's not perfect. There's lines, there's whole scenes, there's words that aren't... exactly right. Words that I could spend hours or days on, obsessing over, trying to find exactly the right fit. But I'm not doing that. I'm not saying I haven't done that at all, because I have. One sentence ended up with an essay and a flowchart to sort out the six layers of meaning I was trying to convey with it--but I'm doing my best to save it for the moments that are the most important. For the rest, I'm doing the easiest 99% of the job, and letting the other 1% go. And I'm posting it anyway. 99% perfect is actually pretty damn good.

In any case, at this point I'm about to post the tenth and final chapter, and I guess I'm coming up for air. I'm thinking about what I've done, and what I'm going to do next. And I'm thinking about how I'm going to do it, to make sure that I keep this momentum--keep finishing things, keep creating things that are worthwhile, and keep doing things that are important to me, not just as Mum, but as me.

I've still been checking in on Futureproof regularly, and it's progressing. It's had a lot of good work on it, and I'm going to go back to working on it, or perhaps have another go at starting something else original, as soon as this current story packs itself and its assorted outtakes up and vacates my brain.

I've come to terms with the way I work on things. It takes me a long time to write something good, it needs to bake in my brain. Bursts of all-consuming obsession interspersed with vacations--it's during the vacations that some of the most truly extraordinary things happen to the story, so I'm not worried--when I do get back to Futureproof, there'll be something amazing there waiting for me again. If there's not, I'll give it a brief spring cleaning to make sure nothing's hiding under the beds, and then work on something else for a while.

So here's my question: does anyone still read this? Or am I still stuck in my head, talking to myself?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The price of peace is eternal vigilance, and that goes double for domestic peace. Those in the know have noticed your focussed efforts, and while not all will read the end product, the overwhelming response of those who have is clear evidence of its worth. Terse tea continues to be available for your future writing consumption.

Focussed efforts is a very kind way of putting it, given you're the one who was putting up with it. Not sure I ever passed along the thank you note I left on the final chapter: And to my husband for the many cups of tea, for picking up the slack and and the toys on the floor, for bathing the children when I was too afraid of Moriarty living in my head, and for making sure I ate and slept occasionally. Thank you, really.

I hope you don't regret the making such an open ended offer of future terse writing tea...

Lily's back!

The world is still watching!

RE: The world is still watching!