Did you miss me?

[thewhitelily]

At length, I’m back. :) Yay, me!

My apologies for the lengthy absence. I know that a lot of my friends have been going through rather big things in the last month or two, and I’m sorry I haven’t been around on MSN or commenting on LJ posts or on Orion to keep up with it. I’ve been going through my own, comparatively minor, crisis of confidence which has unfortunately made me a little too self involved to have any attention to spare for other people. I've still been reading everyone's journals, even if I haven't been able to work up the energy to reply, and my thoughts are with you all. Sorry once again.

So here’s the problem. I’m seriously excited about editing Return to Sender. I really want to, I know what I have to do, I know what I have to fix.

But I’ve been having a panic attack every time I even think about starting in on actually doing it. No, I’m not being dramatic. I’m talking tachycardia, hyperventilation, dizziness, nausea, and the rest of my body’s responses to being completely lily-livered. It doesn’t go away until I think about something else for a few minutes and manage to convince my stupid brain that I’m not going back to it.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Usually, I love editing – editing makes me feel like I’m flying, and I want to dance and yell and whoop as I make connections and improve bits and pieces. I need to get into this fic seriously – I want to get into this fic seriously – but... I just can’t make myself start.

I’m never, ever, ever showing anyone something before I’m ready to do so. Never again. Because the moment it crosses my mind that someone has read some bit of awfulness that I wrote, I find myself completely paralysed, unable to even think, because I keep remembering: OMG, someone’s read this!

But maybe that’s not the main problem. Maybe the main thing is the sheer enormity of it all. Maybe all I need is to take it one day at a time, one chapter at a time, just a few words on top of a few words. It’s worked for me before, hasn’t it?

As such, I’m announcing day one of Lily’s Serious Novel Editing Push. Otherwise known as E month, because L-SNEP is a terrible name for anything, and I’ve made a pact with my friend E that if I finish editing Return to Sender, she’ll write up three chapters of her PhD. Each chapter gets two passes – the first day a rough edit and major earthworks pass, and the second a fine polish pass. Then I’m moving on. One step at a time.

So there we go. Problem solved. Has anyone ever known me to bow out of a challenge? Yes, apart from all you people who have.

Chin up, Lily, and head down. Let’s get to work.

Comments

You can do it, Glasses Girl!

[peterchayward.livejournal.com]

Hoorah for editing!

Re: You can do it, Glasses Girl!

[thewhitelily]

Hurrah indeed!

[rchevalier.livejournal.com]

12LH?

Editing... *shudders* Much luck with that.

You know? They could easily make a counterpoint to NaNoWriMo... National Novel Editing Month. NaNoEdMo. More difficult, but still, more useful than just having a bunch of words.

[thewhitelily]

Shall we all make a pact never ever to mention 12LH again?

There actually is a NaNoEdMo - it's in March. It works on the number of hours you put in, but I'm trying to be more result-based. I'll see how I go with that, anyway. *kicks current chapter she's working on for being host to some of the worst melodrama in the history of Revelation Scenes*

And thank you indeed. :)

[rchevalier.livejournal.com]

Fine by me.

...are you serious? I thought I was the first to think of that. *scowls*

And I missed it, too. I wouldn't have participated this year, but next year... even then, it's too far after NaNoWriMo to be of any use really. Grrrrrr.

Though... if when you finish editing that, would you mind editing this sci-fi novella I wrote? I haven't even typed it up yet - it's ~30 pages in my notebook, so ~45 typed - but it looks promising. It wouldn't be a style edit, I kept the writing simple to keep the science clear. (Otherwise, I'll try and find some other nerdy writer to feed it too.)

[thewhitelily]

*wipes memory away* Thank you, 'tis much appreciated.

Yeah, unfortunately it's in the middle of judging, which was the big problem for me. Also, I was still in the depths of despair about RtS at the time, so I wasn't really ready. Unlike now, when I'm in the depths of despair But OMG OMG BREAKTHROUGH the scene that was causing me the most anxiety has just been rewritten and is now not!crap! Go me!

You mean betaing, right? (To me, editing means something different.) And sure. Not for another month at least - I've also got a chapter from Tera I need to get around to, but apart from that I'm free as a bird. Would love to help out, because Nerdy Science = Coolness. :)

[rchevalier.livejournal.com]

:D Coolios. Love that feeling when things just work.

Yeah, pretty much. I'm not in any rush with it, really. I need to go read a pile of Wikipedia articles or something so I have a better idea of how

Basically, it's the idea that people go to colonize a planet, but someone beats them to it. Fairly well used. It's got a few twists in it, though. First, that they set out, but then their own civilization figured out a way to travel a lot faster and then colonized that planet before those people even arrived. (I'm figuring a fair time interval here.) Second, that in the intervening time the cultures have diverged enough that they don't get along so well. Third... um. I'll shut up now. :P Anyway, there's stuff that differentiates it clusters away from Khan.

[fairyhunter.livejournal.com]

WHILILY LIVES! *hugs*

Good luck on teh editness. I admire your bravery for even attempting it - I usually just ignore my long!fics that need major!edits. =P

Ooh, and I know what you mean about showing people your writing before it's finished. It's so bad that I can really only write when I'm sufficiently alone (which can be literally being alone, or it can be no!one!is!likely!to!look!over!my!shoulder). I mostly can't stand people reading what I'm writing as I'm writing it, even in RL situations like on tests/quizzes. Actually I think I mentioned this to Yeti once, and she told me you had a trick where you made the text color white to deter prying eyes.

*is so glad you're back*

[thewhitelily]

SHE LIVES! *hugs back*

*bites nails* The definition of bravery is facing fear, isn't it? Only every brave person is also a coward, since the reason for facing that fear is the fear of something different, which may or may not be classed as nobler. Since just about anything is nobler than fear of my own writing, I guess so. :) *is obviously procrastinating*

I think you've actually mentioned the white!text idea to me before, and I like it muchly. I have very much the same paranoia - Hubby usually comes into the room to say hello every twenty minutes or so, and if my text is black it throws me totally off my stride because I have to minimise everything until he leaves, and by then I've lost my train of thought. Making it white is the perfect solution. Unfortunately, it doesn't work so well for editing. :)

*is glad to be back*

[linwenilid.livejournal.com]

(My God, you sound like Monica from FRIENDS! I think I have to stop watching the series right now... *head goes boom*)

Good luck with your editing. I'll be cheering for you. :D

[thewhitelily]

(As I've never seen Friends and am thus a black hole of pop culture, I'm not sure whether I should be flattered or insulted. :P *tries to stick your head back together*)

And thanks, m'dear! It's always helpful to have a cheer squad!

[linwenilid.livejournal.com]

Lily, Lily, Lily! I am apalled that you even *think* that I've insulted you! :P Monica is a level-headed character, with a bit of an obsession for cleaning and organising. :) It's a cool series, with good scripts and character developments that focus mostly on interactions with friendship and romance. I like it. :)

[thewhitelily]

In the midst of some rather serious procrastination on the weekend, I managed to see a few Friends episodes, including "The One with the Lesbian Wedding". Somewhere about the middle of that, where she was lamenting the loss of two minutes in her tight schedule, I came to a realisation.

I don't sound like Monica. I am Monica.

:)

[linwenilid.livejournal.com]

OMGOMGOMG ARE YOU COURTNEY COX??? XD

Oh.

That's not what you meant, right? ;)