Did you miss me?

[thewhitelily]

At length, I’m back. :) Yay, me!

My apologies for the lengthy absence. I know that a lot of my friends have been going through rather big things in the last month or two, and I’m sorry I haven’t been around on MSN or commenting on LJ posts or on Orion to keep up with it. I’ve been going through my own, comparatively minor, crisis of confidence which has unfortunately made me a little too self involved to have any attention to spare for other people. I've still been reading everyone's journals, even if I haven't been able to work up the energy to reply, and my thoughts are with you all. Sorry once again.

So here’s the problem. I’m seriously excited about editing Return to Sender. I really want to, I know what I have to do, I know what I have to fix.

But I’ve been having a panic attack every time I even think about starting in on actually doing it. No, I’m not being dramatic. I’m talking tachycardia, hyperventilation, dizziness, nausea, and the rest of my body’s responses to being completely lily-livered. It doesn’t go away until I think about something else for a few minutes and manage to convince my stupid brain that I’m not going back to it.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Usually, I love editing – editing makes me feel like I’m flying, and I want to dance and yell and whoop as I make connections and improve bits and pieces. I need to get into this fic seriously – I want to get into this fic seriously – but... I just can’t make myself start.

I’m never, ever, ever showing anyone something before I’m ready to do so. Never again. Because the moment it crosses my mind that someone has read some bit of awfulness that I wrote, I find myself completely paralysed, unable to even think, because I keep remembering: OMG, someone’s read this!

But maybe that’s not the main problem. Maybe the main thing is the sheer enormity of it all. Maybe all I need is to take it one day at a time, one chapter at a time, just a few words on top of a few words. It’s worked for me before, hasn’t it?

As such, I’m announcing day one of Lily’s Serious Novel Editing Push. Otherwise known as E month, because L-SNEP is a terrible name for anything, and I’ve made a pact with my friend E that if I finish editing Return to Sender, she’ll write up three chapters of her PhD. Each chapter gets two passes – the first day a rough edit and major earthworks pass, and the second a fine polish pass. Then I’m moving on. One step at a time.

So there we go. Problem solved. Has anyone ever known me to bow out of a challenge? Yes, apart from all you people who have.

Chin up, Lily, and head down. Let’s get to work.

Comments

You can do it, Glasses Girl!

[peterchayward.livejournal.com]

Hoorah for editing!

[rchevalier.livejournal.com]

12LH?

Editing... *shudders* Much luck with that.

You know? They could easily make a counterpoint to NaNoWriMo... National Novel Editing Month. NaNoEdMo. More difficult, but still, more useful than just having a bunch of words.

[fairyhunter.livejournal.com]

WHILILY LIVES! *hugs*

Good luck on teh editness. I admire your bravery for even attempting it - I usually just ignore my long!fics that need major!edits. =P

Ooh, and I know what you mean about showing people your writing before it's finished. It's so bad that I can really only write when I'm sufficiently alone (which can be literally being alone, or it can be no!one!is!likely!to!look!over!my!shoulder). I mostly can't stand people reading what I'm writing as I'm writing it, even in RL situations like on tests/quizzes. Actually I think I mentioned this to Yeti once, and she told me you had a trick where you made the text color white to deter prying eyes.

*is so glad you're back*

[linwenilid.livejournal.com]

(My God, you sound like Monica from FRIENDS! I think I have to stop watching the series right now... *head goes boom*)

Good luck with your editing. I'll be cheering for you. :D