That all sounds awful, but I'm going to be honest with you (or maybe I've said it before?), it's so much better that you can actually recognize that it's happening. I mean, no matter how bad it gets, if you "know" it's going on then you're not too lost. When you start thinking "this is just my personality and nothing can be done" or even "what are you talking about, this is normal", that's when things are reaaally bad...
I used to have huge empathy/sympathy problems, I basically just didn't feel them for other people. Eventually I discovered it was because I felt so bad myself (without realizing it, because I was like that from childhood). When my problems got better for the first time, I started feeling those emotions for the first time, and now i'm the type to cry at bad drama series. Oh and also if I eat junk food or something too processed in general, I get anxiety/depression-like symptoms (and a lack of concentration power) over the course of the next few days until it's out of my system.
I also used to have a lot of trouble making decisions but now I'm so tired from everyday life that I'm just like "screw it, just do something". I mean like, I don't worry over my essay topics for school anymore, I just write the first idea that comes to mind and wait to see if I fail the assignment. With bigger stuff (ex. getting rid of my citizenship, moving countries) i just think... as far as my knowledge goes right now, this is a good decision. i can't worry about the future or past anymore, i have to focus on how the present me can have the best or easiest time. i can daydream "what-if's" but they won't help me. i've spent the past 4 years daydreaming and none of them have come true. in the meantime, i'm wasting time.
your kids' names for example - if they dislike them, when they're older they can change them themselves. if for some reason you end up not liking the cats, you can sell them and get different ones (or get a different type after they die). even if you get into an incredible amount of debt, there's ways to get out of it. if you lose all your friends, you can in fact make new friends somehow. "things" aren't usually irreversable, even if they were the wrong decision, but "time" is irreversable...
i don't know if any of that helps or if i even conveyed my thoughts. self-discipline is really hard. mindfulness is also super popular in sweden.
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I used to have huge empathy/sympathy problems, I basically just didn't feel them for other people. Eventually I discovered it was because I felt so bad myself (without realizing it, because I was like that from childhood). When my problems got better for the first time, I started feeling those emotions for the first time, and now i'm the type to cry at bad drama series. Oh and also if I eat junk food or something too processed in general, I get anxiety/depression-like symptoms (and a lack of concentration power) over the course of the next few days until it's out of my system.
I also used to have a lot of trouble making decisions but now I'm so tired from everyday life that I'm just like "screw it, just do something". I mean like, I don't worry over my essay topics for school anymore, I just write the first idea that comes to mind and wait to see if I fail the assignment. With bigger stuff (ex. getting rid of my citizenship, moving countries) i just think... as far as my knowledge goes right now, this is a good decision. i can't worry about the future or past anymore, i have to focus on how the present me can have the best or easiest time. i can daydream "what-if's" but they won't help me. i've spent the past 4 years daydreaming and none of them have come true. in the meantime, i'm wasting time.
your kids' names for example - if they dislike them, when they're older they can change them themselves. if for some reason you end up not liking the cats, you can sell them and get different ones (or get a different type after they die). even if you get into an incredible amount of debt, there's ways to get out of it. if you lose all your friends, you can in fact make new friends somehow. "things" aren't usually irreversable, even if they were the wrong decision, but "time" is irreversable...
i don't know if any of that helps or if i even conveyed my thoughts. self-discipline is really hard. mindfulness is also super popular in sweden.