Thank you, thank you, my dear. (And sorry for taking so long to get back, things got a bit overwhelming.)
The rhythm is a bit uneven No, I agree with you, the rhythm's odd. I couldn't make myself cut that last line down, so I evened them up. I think it's at least consistently odd, but maybe that just means it feels the same oddness each time.
but I'm wanting more on their personalities. It's a cute concept but it's sorta static without distinct characters. Definitely not much movement in those characters - I could probably expand this one out to a short story, if I could be bothered, and establish their characters a bit more before I try to break the pattern at the end. I'll keep that as a project for a rainy day sometime. :)
I don't know any old people like that and I want to. I don't know many old people like this either - they're sort of a conglomerate of a few old people I know.
The imagery here is like the last one for me, a lot of it is quite awesome but at times it seems a bit forced, like it's not really necessary but it's just there? *nods* I know what you mean, looking back at them. I thought that had just a feeling I'd been getting about it, but I'd ignored because I knew the images were nice, so next time I'll look into integrating them a little more. :)
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT'S HOW I AM IN THE MORNING? *laughmint* Me too. Mornings should be banned, methinks.
no subject
The rhythm is a bit uneven
No, I agree with you, the rhythm's odd. I couldn't make myself cut that last line down, so I evened them up. I think it's at least consistently odd, but maybe that just means it feels the same oddness each time.
but I'm wanting more on their personalities. It's a cute concept but it's sorta static without distinct characters.
Definitely not much movement in those characters - I could probably expand this one out to a short story, if I could be bothered, and establish their characters a bit more before I try to break the pattern at the end. I'll keep that as a project for a rainy day sometime. :)
I don't know any old people like that and I want to.
I don't know many old people like this either - they're sort of a conglomerate of a few old people I know.
The imagery here is like the last one for me, a lot of it is quite awesome but at times it seems a bit forced, like it's not really necessary but it's just there?
*nods* I know what you mean, looking back at them. I thought that had just a feeling I'd been getting about it, but I'd ignored because I knew the images were nice, so next time I'll look into integrating them a little more. :)
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT'S HOW I AM IN THE MORNING?
*laughmint* Me too. Mornings should be banned, methinks.
*wonders how the coat!fic is going/went*