The White Lily (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thewhitelily) wrote2005-11-22 12:34 pm
thewhitelily) wrote2005-11-22 12:34 pm
His Son's Father receives a Golden Acorn from Criminality!
Thank you readers, thank you reviewers, thank you betas, thank you randomly coloured mythical Himalayan animals who judged and uploaded to Criminality...
So, after a glass and a half of champagne (a bad idea if I was hoping to actually cut down the rambling…), I have decided to post the review responses for His Father’s Son that I partially wrote along the way and then abandoned because I didn’t have anywhere to put them.
(Although I have expanded on them a little (or a lot, as is my wont (Ha! I used the word “wont”!)).)
*ahem* It feels a little odd to be responding so late, and most of you have probably forgotten what you said anyway, but – oh well, better late than never. Feel free to ignore me if it’s all too long ago to make sense now.
Of course, now FF.net has implemented the new “respond to review” feature, which looks pretty cool, so this may be a dying blog - but it may always have been, so… I’m getting off topic again, aren’t I?
Now you see why I didn’t want to post review responses in the story proper...
To sgarecool, LunarSquirrel, brennQT, REIning-Phoenix-Fire, refloc, me-obviously, Dark Shur'tugal, aperfectattitude, jennarose120: Thank you! *takes a bow*
For those who asked specific questions or brought up specific issues:
Spoilers beyond this point. If you haven’t finished HSF, don’t keep reading.
(Yes, dearest sister, this means you.)
(Which means you shouldn’t be reading this either, dear sister.)
(Did I tell you to stop reading or not?)
(*Sigh*)
Kitty Rainbow: Thank you! I’m glad you’ve been enjoying it. (And that it’s been a bright spot for you, although not that the rest of things have been a bit dark.)
Regarding the plausibility of the slave oath and whether it should have been more of a secret – it’s interesting you should say that, because originally it was more of a secret thing. It’s definitely better the way it is than the way it was, although possibly I could have kept the secret bit and still done the improvements… Hmmm. Unfortunately, I don’t think that I could have talked about Tan Kabelle if it was a secret, which is what holds the concept together, I think. I think I’ll leave it the way it is for the moment, but it’s on the list of things for which some inspiration would be good.
Oooh, and you’re picking up on my favourite scenes. The Arty-Dom moment and the meat on Timmy, then the “conversation” between Arty and Trouble. I’m glad they came across. That you talked about justifying the Fowl/Fowl, Artemis/Artemis scene is interesting – that’s just how I felt about it, too. It’s so out of character, but it’s a fun bit, and so I justified it until it was in character – and it made it all the way in, which was good. [/confusing]
I’m glad you enjoyed the nobody-knowing-what’s-going-on aspect of the end of the second chapter! I was a bit worried that would be too confusing/irritating since nobody but Artemis really knows what’s going on, and the reader’s almost as much in the dark as the fairies!
Thanks for picking up the grammar mistake, it’s been fixed. Never edit at the last minute before posting. :)
I laughed for about a minute at your response to Artemis’ brain moment! :)
I also like authors putting in once-mentioned characters – and I have such trouble thinking up names, that it’s always great to reuse.
And I’m glad you liked my explanation of Timmy’s turnaround – it’s just a bit more complicated than a lot of authors make it, and I think that’s valuable. No one changes their life based on only one thing, there’s always a myriad of tiny related reasons that fall into place to make it absolutely unthinkable to continue with the status quo. And I just adore the idea of manipulation as a demonstration of love. It’s so… Fowl.
Yes, the bit about the party is a little clumsy, and I’ve tried restructuring it a hundred times. But it needs to be there foreshadowing wise, and everywhere else I put it is ten times worse. So yes, another thing on the slight niggles list.
Thanks for the overall feeling con critting, that’s really very helpful – I’d not really thought much about balancing the tenseness with the actuion vs. the suspense… So yes. For this fic, it’s stuck the way it is – but I’ll definitely keep it in mind in future.
Trouble Kelp: Thanks for following and faithfully reviewing. Thanks also for your specific comments – it’s great to hear about the bits and pieces that have caught your eye as particularly good, because it helps me develop my style.
Trouble rocks as LEP commander. It’s not hard to write him well in that role – and it’s not just you seeing barely-visible Artemis smirking over the enormous table in chapter 7 – I think we may be experiencing a telepathic bond.
I’m glad you enjoyed the intricacy of my plot, it was one of the things I was trying to keep a very firm grip on in this piece, since my stories tend to blow out exponentially. That meant that every bit of intricacy had to tuck in at both ends and the middle, or it got cut out – and I’m glad the heartbreaking effort was worth it. I’m also glad that point of view came across well, I felt like I’d really nailed it this time, and it’s always good to hear that it wasn’t just in my head.
The consequences arising from the story – that was quite a surprise to me as well, how well that worked. I was at least partially inspired for this emotional aspects of this story by Love Actually and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, both of which had that quality of incomplete-completeness to them. It was one of the things that made me love them, and I’m thrilled to hear that aspect rings true all the way through to the reader. And, you know, I hadn’t even considered Artemis’ gaining a few weeks of age as being a way to show his mortality, but it’s probably one of the reasons it resonated so strongly with me as being the right way to end it. I went through about twelve different endings, and when I reached the one I used it was just… perfect. (Well, it was in my head, and after Gus told me it didn’t make sense I hope I managed to explain what was happening a bit more.)
Unfortunately, I can’t take credit for the idea of unravelling an existing myth thing – that was a part of the challenge I was responding to. But I’m pleased you felt it was well done. :)
There’s unlikely to be a sequel, as such. I think I’ve said what I wanted to say in HSF, and I’d have to have another thing-to-say spring to mind before I could have a sequel – but if it’s the father-son relationship and the-stuff-that-goes-unsaid-between-them you enjoyed, I’m afraid that turns up in every single AF fanfic I write, and there’s nothing I can do about it. So, if I publish any more AF, and there’s definitely at least one more that’s finished and waiting for me to get around to it, you’ll get to see more.
FairyHunter:Right then! (More of my ramblings for you to read!) The main thing I wonder about mirrored contacts is that wouldn’t the mesmeriser notice that Artemis’ eyes were suddenly silver? (Although I suppose Spiro didn’t notice the eye thing, but still.) Corroded contact lenses – I’m not sure. Could be? Thanks for bringing up Butler and Juliet – the main reason I didn’t mention them was that I couldn’t think of a way for Timmy to worry about them before his wife – but I’ve worked it out and the change has been made.
Why didn’t the Butlers just shoot the fairies from the windows? Because there’s a whole Retrieval squad out there, and one of them might manage to hit Angeline if they start getting taken out be sniper fire. Although they don’t really want to kill her, if team members start going down they just might.
Glad you liked the Election Of Commander Kelp (and the confusion of Grub!) and that I managed to keep you guessing on whether or not it was Sool up until Teh Random Vacation. It’s great to hear the specifics of what you liked, to help me refine my style. :)
Brains are soft and squishy… *bursts out laughing* It’s a very good point. Artemis relies on Butler hugely, and without him, he’s disconcertingly vulnerable. *loves to write vulnerable!Arty*
I’ve fixed the bit with Sool being confusingly not!there, the grammar error, the confusingly thickening cerebrospinal fluid, and the antimatter. Thanks for that. And for the new reader! Hehe!
Agreemint on showing Grub fetching the Butlers – it’s more the idea rather than the execution that’s funny anyway, because Butler wouldn’t actually be remotely menacing towards him – unless Grub got all nervous and clumsy and spilt drinks on him and all that sort of thing, and it’s all really in Grub’s head, but he keeps seemingly irritating Butler, then *DIE, DAMN PLOT BUNNY!!!*
Haha again! *is better informed than FH on a point of word meaning* I looked up Barbaric, and while it does mean relating to the culture of barbarians, it also means the same thing that barbarous does.And I think it sounds better. But thanks for pointing out something that looked wrong!
Arty figures out the Box the same way that any puzzle is solved; the internal mechanics have effects on the external components that you can move. Before you can work out how to arrange the external components as you want them, you have to move them about systematically to learn about how they’re affected by the things you can’t see. Most puzzles are fairly simple to solve once you’ve got an internal diagram, the problem is working out the rules for how it moves. And as far as Artemis is concerned, that’s working out how the thing is put together. I’ve hopefully clarified that a bit in the story.
Interesting viewpoint on Artemis not necessarily saving the day, despite losing everything, because he’s slightly evil – I hadn’t thought of it from that perspective. But he’s never intentionally endangered a life before – his only non-victimless crimes were poisoning the sprite and kidnapping Holly. I choose to believe that he was bluffing allowing either of them to die – but possibly he wasn’t. Even then, mass-murder isn’t really his style, especially not when someone else is calling the shots.
Melody Bridge: I’m glad you like my take on Timmy – thanks for the suggestion that Timmy should be more angry with Artemis. I’ve made a slight alteration that hopefully makes it a little clearer why he’s not. Timmy’s such a rational, logical person that he recognises how little good it would do to get mad with his son for being who he is at that point in time. At that point, he’s suppressing everything to allow himself to get on with saving their lives, and he intends to get angry later.
kari_xavier: Thanks, I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Just to clarify, a prophecy is written at the bottom of every page on the first book – my prophecy in particular is made up, in the same format as the prophecy printed in the first book. I’m not quite clever enough to work it all into an existing prophecy!
Schizy: Wow! Your reviews rock, and under no circumstances will I maul anyone for leaving a long or rambling review – I would be forced to maul myself more times than I can count! Since I’ve already responded to bits and pieces of your reviews on the Orions, I’ll respond to other bits and pieces here.
I so much agree with you about having Timmy a part of the story rather than a random plot device.
I’m so thrilled with your descriptions of my characterisation that I’m beyond words. Really. I can’t think of anything to say, but I’m overwhelmed with warm fuzziness. Thank you, I’m thrilled to have been able to have made my characters so human. And I’m melting into a pile of gooey happiness at the description of “clear without being revealing”, because I consider that pretty much the pinnacle ofclothing fiction.
Regarding Tan Kabelle: thank Gus for making me explain that more. :D
The reason, as you’ve already guessed, that Artemis gave his speech to the level of detail he had was that (a) he had the time and, (b) he was already thinking ahead to what he knows is important and what his father might need to know for if he has to resort to Making A Plan. Timmy doubting things more and not understanding terms, I’ve tweaked it a little bit on both points. This was actually the trickiest bit of con-crit I got in the entire fic (not counting the beta), to make it work without Revealing Too Much. But, thank you, I think it’s better for the change. I’ve also nitpicked a bit more in response to your comments on Timmy using fairy terms so quickly – that feels much better too, now.
“When my son made enemies he really made enemies.” was my favourite line, too. ;D I can just hear the frustrated disbelief/admiration in his inner monologue at the fact that Arty never does anything by half measures!
I know exactly what you mean about preferring one POV in a multi-POV story – I’m glad I’ve managed to balance it well for you. :) Regarding the Major – I adore the scene in TEC where Artemis tells Butler that being without him is like missing a limb (and I’m not remotely an A/B shipper, either). When it occurred to me that Timmy was already missing a limb (and had lost it the same time as he lost his Butler), the thing about the Major just happened and I loved every word of it. And I loved the dual-Artemis scene too – not only could I not even edit the darn thing without giggling, it gives a lovely (to my eye, anyway) glimpse of the criminal aspect of the family dynamic.
(You keep picking up on my favourite bits! Go you!)
You might be right about Sool’s quick temper. As far as fitting with my character profile of him, things just aren’t going according to the rules so he’s starting to crack up. That’s possibly not quite the way he is in TOD – there, he’s almost pleased to have things go wrong, despite the loss of life, because it means he can bring someone who’s “escaped justice” back into line. I’m justifying it because in TOD it was in no way his fault if Holly went nuts, it was just his responsibility (and pleasure) to bring her to justice for it. At the end of TOD, where Foaly’s beginning to look like he might make a fool of him, Sool jumps out of his chair and starts talking with exclamation marks. This situation is more like the second one, where Sool’s authority is being challenged in front of his subordinates, and Artemis won’t follow the unwritten “script” for the interrogation.
Regarding Timmy suddenly finding out about Artemis giving up the gold to heal his mother; haha! You have found a bug leftover from a removed plot-thread. I patched it over because I liked the scene, but you’re right, it’s a bit random. I’ve followed your suggestion of mentioning that Timmy is only having these revelations on the inside. I’m still not entirely happy with the scene, because I agree with you, but I just can’t rework it to my satisfaction. Still, it’s hopefully a little better than it was, and it’s one of the only things left on my niggles list. :)
And yay for Timmy being not-to-be-underestimated right from the beginning! That was always the feeling I got from him in TEC. I’ve been considering going into the Crim thread on hating Artemis’ parents with guns blazing, but we don’t really have enough canon evidence to be sure one way or the other. He certainly knew unspecified things about Arty’s criminal activities during his absence.
I’m glad I’ve managed to sound knowledgeable about technology stuff in my fic – it’s very important to me to be plausible and self-consistent. I’ve done tertiary IT, so I already knew all about pseudo-random number generators (and had to restrain myself rather firmly from giving Far Too Much Detail), but I almost always research everything I use to an absurd degree.
And yes, you’ve picked up exactly (again!) on the distinction I wanted to make with His Son’s Father/His Father’s Son. One meaning is that it’s not so much that Arty defines himself by who his father is, but that right from the beginning, Timmy defines himself by reference to his son (and generally negatively). The other meaning is about what Timmy has come to see as the most important priority in his life; trying to be a father to his son. This scene draws both of those meanings together: what a horrible, awful moment that would have been for Timmy, to know that Arty would have been able to come up with a solution but not be able to do it himself, to have to admit it, and to realise that his inadequacy could cost his son his life.
I love writing Artemis in scheme mode. :) It’s so much fun to be a language lawyer! I love your phrasing “dangerous by being meek”. Another nail on the head of exactly what I was aiming for.
*laughs at the mental image of your dictator!Sool freaking out at the sight of a missing button* I’m glad you find my Sool believably Evol. :D
I’m glad you liked my Pandora – that was actually the hardest bit to think up in the entire story, because I knew what I wanted the weapon to do, and I wanted everyone to think they were right in the story, and I wanted the story to ostensibly show no weaknesses, but to foreshadow the weakness enough for Artemis to pick up on it… Aaargh! Writing a legend-to-order is really hard!
Foul/Fowl by name and nature – I believe the prophecy on the bottom of the book page refers to Artemis as “Fowl by name and fowl by nature”, so I was going off that. Of course, I haven’t been bothered to translate it myself, so…
And finally, I’m glad you mentioned Angeline and Timmy worrying about Arty, because it gives me the opportunity to wax lyrical. It’s interesting, because Angeline’s really quite a minor character plot-wise. Timmy only actually meets her eyes twice in the entire fic – his attention is on Holly all the way through the scene on explaining what’s going on to her, they’re just silently and constantly ready to support one another in the council-chamber and at the end – but the bond they share goes beyond having to speak to each other or even exchange looks. All of their attention is focussed outwards, on the surreality of the environment, on the situation, on their son, rather than on each other, and aspects of their relationship (like the ruby earrings) are highlighted in a “negative” way, but somehow all the implicit stuff makes it all the more obvious why Angeline couldn’t live without her husband. :D Or at least it was meant to. ;)
Schizy: Just, wow. Thank you for your dedicated and incredibly detailed reviews, they are much appreciated.If only because they give me the opportunity to talk about all my favourite bits!
Thunderstorm101: He he, I agree, there’s something very frightening about Timmy and Arty working together, with the same evil grin!
Your theory on carving Foaly’s name + on the box is something I hadn’t even considered – although I guess he’s got Sool looking over his shoulder the whole time, so it’d be a bit hard, but yes… Well thought!
And I agree, they definitely needed human allies in TAI, so it would make sense to keep some around… I reckon that with Timmy and Arty working together they’ll be able to convince the Council to leave their minds alone. And poor Angeline, she’s just convinced her husband to leave a life of crime – and finds out her son’s been liaising with another species with all the dangers that entails!
There probably won’t be a sequel as such, but a Timmy who is very much like the one featured here seems to work his way into everything I write in the AF fandom (and I feel funny saying that, because I’ve only got one story posted, but I only publish stuff that is completed and polished, and I’ve got about eight half to three-quarter finished stories).
lalalalalala: Sorry the Morse code thing wasn’t clear enough – I’ll try to clarify here. Since I’m not quite sure which bit wasn’t clear, I’ll probably end up over-explaining – but you can skim over stuff you already know. Morse code was invented to send messages over via radio or over a primitive (compared to the telephone, anyway) wire. Each letter is sent through separately as a series of dots and dashes (or short beeps and long beeps). “S” for example, is a series of three short beeps, “O” is a series of three long beeps, “M” is a series of two long beeps. You may recognise “SMS” (three short beeps, two long beeps, three short beeps) from when your mobile phone receives a text message.
The classic message to send when you are in trouble is SOS, which stands for “Save Our Souls” (pretty meaningless in the modern context, but all it really means is something along the lines of “Help”). Using Morse code, you can spell the repeating message out by banging on a pipe, flashing a torch, or tapping a finger. (One man very famously blinked out the word “torture” in Morse code on his taped confession of war crimes to make it clear that he was only confessing to make the torture stop.) Even without Morse, the three letters of SOS can be spelled out with rocks on a beach, carved onto a coconut, scribbled on a quick message, etc.
What Artemis was doing was sending his entire message in Morse code – but he was worried that the whole message would appear too random, so he included SOS at several points to increase the chances of someone recognising the pattern. As far as using the tiles on the puzzle box was concerned, he was creating dots and dashes by using the white tiles as “silence”, one black tile as a “short beep” and two consecutive black tiles as a “long beep”.
Er… I’ve rambled again, haven’t I? Hope this answers your question.
As for the ending – ah, see that was the point! As far as Timmy was concerned, how it all ended was immaterial – despite the fact that the very idea of a mind-wipe is completely abhorrent and terrifying to him. Artemis was safe, so that was all that mattered. A few minutes after the end of the story, as soon as Artemis pushed him away, he would have swung back into full Scheming Bulldozing Timmy mode and Arty and Timmy would have taken on the council together – would they have ended up mind-wiped? I think probably not. But I’ve tied up all the loose ends I’m going to – if I tie up everything, the story’s finished and it goes straight out of your mind! As it is, the main action plot is resolved, the emotional plot comes to a neat close, and anything further would just be anticlimactic. Sorry!
Sorceress Sakura:Thanks! I certainly will make more stories, although probably not a sequel to this one.
crazy pineapple lady: Thanks for the dialogue suggestion, I think I may keep it the way it is at the moment because, as you say, the “I know something you don’t know” monologue is very Arty. :) I certainly did have fun writing it. And thank you also for the fudge! *eats a piece and sends back some reviewers!chocolate*
...
...
And that's it - no really, that's to the end of my HUGE pile of reviews. If I've missed anyone, I'm sorry. And now it has become the small hours of the morning, and I shall go to bed to dream of plot-bunnies nibbling on my lovely shiny golden acorn...
I have a Golden Acorn!
Now that's something worth celebrating.
Now that's something worth celebrating.
So, after a glass and a half of champagne (a bad idea if I was hoping to actually cut down the rambling…), I have decided to post the review responses for His Father’s Son that I partially wrote along the way and then abandoned because I didn’t have anywhere to put them.
(Although I have expanded on them a little (or a lot, as is my wont (Ha! I used the word “wont”!)).)
*ahem* It feels a little odd to be responding so late, and most of you have probably forgotten what you said anyway, but – oh well, better late than never. Feel free to ignore me if it’s all too long ago to make sense now.
Of course, now FF.net has implemented the new “respond to review” feature, which looks pretty cool, so this may be a dying blog - but it may always have been, so… I’m getting off topic again, aren’t I?
Now you see why I didn’t want to post review responses in the story proper...
To sgarecool, LunarSquirrel, brennQT, REIning-Phoenix-Fire, refloc, me-obviously, Dark Shur'tugal, aperfectattitude, jennarose120: Thank you! *takes a bow*
For those who asked specific questions or brought up specific issues:
Spoilers beyond this point. If you haven’t finished HSF, don’t keep reading.
(Yes, dearest sister, this means you.)
(Which means you shouldn’t be reading this either, dear sister.)
(Did I tell you to stop reading or not?)
(*Sigh*)
Kitty Rainbow: Thank you! I’m glad you’ve been enjoying it. (And that it’s been a bright spot for you, although not that the rest of things have been a bit dark.)
Regarding the plausibility of the slave oath and whether it should have been more of a secret – it’s interesting you should say that, because originally it was more of a secret thing. It’s definitely better the way it is than the way it was, although possibly I could have kept the secret bit and still done the improvements… Hmmm. Unfortunately, I don’t think that I could have talked about Tan Kabelle if it was a secret, which is what holds the concept together, I think. I think I’ll leave it the way it is for the moment, but it’s on the list of things for which some inspiration would be good.
Oooh, and you’re picking up on my favourite scenes. The Arty-Dom moment and the meat on Timmy, then the “conversation” between Arty and Trouble. I’m glad they came across. That you talked about justifying the Fowl/Fowl, Artemis/Artemis scene is interesting – that’s just how I felt about it, too. It’s so out of character, but it’s a fun bit, and so I justified it until it was in character – and it made it all the way in, which was good. [/confusing]
I’m glad you enjoyed the nobody-knowing-what’s-going-on aspect of the end of the second chapter! I was a bit worried that would be too confusing/irritating since nobody but Artemis really knows what’s going on, and the reader’s almost as much in the dark as the fairies!
Thanks for picking up the grammar mistake, it’s been fixed. Never edit at the last minute before posting. :)
I laughed for about a minute at your response to Artemis’ brain moment! :)
I also like authors putting in once-mentioned characters – and I have such trouble thinking up names, that it’s always great to reuse.
And I’m glad you liked my explanation of Timmy’s turnaround – it’s just a bit more complicated than a lot of authors make it, and I think that’s valuable. No one changes their life based on only one thing, there’s always a myriad of tiny related reasons that fall into place to make it absolutely unthinkable to continue with the status quo. And I just adore the idea of manipulation as a demonstration of love. It’s so… Fowl.
Yes, the bit about the party is a little clumsy, and I’ve tried restructuring it a hundred times. But it needs to be there foreshadowing wise, and everywhere else I put it is ten times worse. So yes, another thing on the slight niggles list.
Thanks for the overall feeling con critting, that’s really very helpful – I’d not really thought much about balancing the tenseness with the actuion vs. the suspense… So yes. For this fic, it’s stuck the way it is – but I’ll definitely keep it in mind in future.
Trouble Kelp: Thanks for following and faithfully reviewing. Thanks also for your specific comments – it’s great to hear about the bits and pieces that have caught your eye as particularly good, because it helps me develop my style.
Trouble rocks as LEP commander. It’s not hard to write him well in that role – and it’s not just you seeing barely-visible Artemis smirking over the enormous table in chapter 7 – I think we may be experiencing a telepathic bond.
I’m glad you enjoyed the intricacy of my plot, it was one of the things I was trying to keep a very firm grip on in this piece, since my stories tend to blow out exponentially. That meant that every bit of intricacy had to tuck in at both ends and the middle, or it got cut out – and I’m glad the heartbreaking effort was worth it. I’m also glad that point of view came across well, I felt like I’d really nailed it this time, and it’s always good to hear that it wasn’t just in my head.
The consequences arising from the story – that was quite a surprise to me as well, how well that worked. I was at least partially inspired for this emotional aspects of this story by Love Actually and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, both of which had that quality of incomplete-completeness to them. It was one of the things that made me love them, and I’m thrilled to hear that aspect rings true all the way through to the reader. And, you know, I hadn’t even considered Artemis’ gaining a few weeks of age as being a way to show his mortality, but it’s probably one of the reasons it resonated so strongly with me as being the right way to end it. I went through about twelve different endings, and when I reached the one I used it was just… perfect. (Well, it was in my head, and after Gus told me it didn’t make sense I hope I managed to explain what was happening a bit more.)
Unfortunately, I can’t take credit for the idea of unravelling an existing myth thing – that was a part of the challenge I was responding to. But I’m pleased you felt it was well done. :)
There’s unlikely to be a sequel, as such. I think I’ve said what I wanted to say in HSF, and I’d have to have another thing-to-say spring to mind before I could have a sequel – but if it’s the father-son relationship and the-stuff-that-goes-unsaid-between-them you enjoyed, I’m afraid that turns up in every single AF fanfic I write, and there’s nothing I can do about it. So, if I publish any more AF, and there’s definitely at least one more that’s finished and waiting for me to get around to it, you’ll get to see more.
FairyHunter:Right then! (More of my ramblings for you to read!) The main thing I wonder about mirrored contacts is that wouldn’t the mesmeriser notice that Artemis’ eyes were suddenly silver? (Although I suppose Spiro didn’t notice the eye thing, but still.) Corroded contact lenses – I’m not sure. Could be? Thanks for bringing up Butler and Juliet – the main reason I didn’t mention them was that I couldn’t think of a way for Timmy to worry about them before his wife – but I’ve worked it out and the change has been made.
Why didn’t the Butlers just shoot the fairies from the windows? Because there’s a whole Retrieval squad out there, and one of them might manage to hit Angeline if they start getting taken out be sniper fire. Although they don’t really want to kill her, if team members start going down they just might.
Glad you liked the Election Of Commander Kelp (and the confusion of Grub!) and that I managed to keep you guessing on whether or not it was Sool up until Teh Random Vacation. It’s great to hear the specifics of what you liked, to help me refine my style. :)
Brains are soft and squishy… *bursts out laughing* It’s a very good point. Artemis relies on Butler hugely, and without him, he’s disconcertingly vulnerable. *loves to write vulnerable!Arty*
I’ve fixed the bit with Sool being confusingly not!there, the grammar error, the confusingly thickening cerebrospinal fluid, and the antimatter. Thanks for that. And for the new reader! Hehe!
Agreemint on showing Grub fetching the Butlers – it’s more the idea rather than the execution that’s funny anyway, because Butler wouldn’t actually be remotely menacing towards him – unless Grub got all nervous and clumsy and spilt drinks on him and all that sort of thing, and it’s all really in Grub’s head, but he keeps seemingly irritating Butler, then *DIE, DAMN PLOT BUNNY!!!*
Haha again! *is better informed than FH on a point of word meaning* I looked up Barbaric, and while it does mean relating to the culture of barbarians, it also means the same thing that barbarous does.
Arty figures out the Box the same way that any puzzle is solved; the internal mechanics have effects on the external components that you can move. Before you can work out how to arrange the external components as you want them, you have to move them about systematically to learn about how they’re affected by the things you can’t see. Most puzzles are fairly simple to solve once you’ve got an internal diagram, the problem is working out the rules for how it moves. And as far as Artemis is concerned, that’s working out how the thing is put together. I’ve hopefully clarified that a bit in the story.
Interesting viewpoint on Artemis not necessarily saving the day, despite losing everything, because he’s slightly evil – I hadn’t thought of it from that perspective. But he’s never intentionally endangered a life before – his only non-victimless crimes were poisoning the sprite and kidnapping Holly. I choose to believe that he was bluffing allowing either of them to die – but possibly he wasn’t. Even then, mass-murder isn’t really his style, especially not when someone else is calling the shots.
Melody Bridge: I’m glad you like my take on Timmy – thanks for the suggestion that Timmy should be more angry with Artemis. I’ve made a slight alteration that hopefully makes it a little clearer why he’s not. Timmy’s such a rational, logical person that he recognises how little good it would do to get mad with his son for being who he is at that point in time. At that point, he’s suppressing everything to allow himself to get on with saving their lives, and he intends to get angry later.
kari_xavier: Thanks, I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Just to clarify, a prophecy is written at the bottom of every page on the first book – my prophecy in particular is made up, in the same format as the prophecy printed in the first book. I’m not quite clever enough to work it all into an existing prophecy!
Schizy: Wow! Your reviews rock, and under no circumstances will I maul anyone for leaving a long or rambling review – I would be forced to maul myself more times than I can count! Since I’ve already responded to bits and pieces of your reviews on the Orions, I’ll respond to other bits and pieces here.
I so much agree with you about having Timmy a part of the story rather than a random plot device.
I’m so thrilled with your descriptions of my characterisation that I’m beyond words. Really. I can’t think of anything to say, but I’m overwhelmed with warm fuzziness. Thank you, I’m thrilled to have been able to have made my characters so human. And I’m melting into a pile of gooey happiness at the description of “clear without being revealing”, because I consider that pretty much the pinnacle of
Regarding Tan Kabelle: thank Gus for making me explain that more. :D
The reason, as you’ve already guessed, that Artemis gave his speech to the level of detail he had was that (a) he had the time and, (b) he was already thinking ahead to what he knows is important and what his father might need to know for if he has to resort to Making A Plan. Timmy doubting things more and not understanding terms, I’ve tweaked it a little bit on both points. This was actually the trickiest bit of con-crit I got in the entire fic (not counting the beta), to make it work without Revealing Too Much. But, thank you, I think it’s better for the change. I’ve also nitpicked a bit more in response to your comments on Timmy using fairy terms so quickly – that feels much better too, now.
“When my son made enemies he really made enemies.” was my favourite line, too. ;D I can just hear the frustrated disbelief/admiration in his inner monologue at the fact that Arty never does anything by half measures!
I know exactly what you mean about preferring one POV in a multi-POV story – I’m glad I’ve managed to balance it well for you. :) Regarding the Major – I adore the scene in TEC where Artemis tells Butler that being without him is like missing a limb (and I’m not remotely an A/B shipper, either). When it occurred to me that Timmy was already missing a limb (and had lost it the same time as he lost his Butler), the thing about the Major just happened and I loved every word of it. And I loved the dual-Artemis scene too – not only could I not even edit the darn thing without giggling, it gives a lovely (to my eye, anyway) glimpse of the criminal aspect of the family dynamic.
(You keep picking up on my favourite bits! Go you!)
You might be right about Sool’s quick temper. As far as fitting with my character profile of him, things just aren’t going according to the rules so he’s starting to crack up. That’s possibly not quite the way he is in TOD – there, he’s almost pleased to have things go wrong, despite the loss of life, because it means he can bring someone who’s “escaped justice” back into line. I’m justifying it because in TOD it was in no way his fault if Holly went nuts, it was just his responsibility (and pleasure) to bring her to justice for it. At the end of TOD, where Foaly’s beginning to look like he might make a fool of him, Sool jumps out of his chair and starts talking with exclamation marks. This situation is more like the second one, where Sool’s authority is being challenged in front of his subordinates, and Artemis won’t follow the unwritten “script” for the interrogation.
Regarding Timmy suddenly finding out about Artemis giving up the gold to heal his mother; haha! You have found a bug leftover from a removed plot-thread. I patched it over because I liked the scene, but you’re right, it’s a bit random. I’ve followed your suggestion of mentioning that Timmy is only having these revelations on the inside. I’m still not entirely happy with the scene, because I agree with you, but I just can’t rework it to my satisfaction. Still, it’s hopefully a little better than it was, and it’s one of the only things left on my niggles list. :)
And yay for Timmy being not-to-be-underestimated right from the beginning! That was always the feeling I got from him in TEC. I’ve been considering going into the Crim thread on hating Artemis’ parents with guns blazing, but we don’t really have enough canon evidence to be sure one way or the other. He certainly knew unspecified things about Arty’s criminal activities during his absence.
I’m glad I’ve managed to sound knowledgeable about technology stuff in my fic – it’s very important to me to be plausible and self-consistent. I’ve done tertiary IT, so I already knew all about pseudo-random number generators (and had to restrain myself rather firmly from giving Far Too Much Detail), but I almost always research everything I use to an absurd degree.
And yes, you’ve picked up exactly (again!) on the distinction I wanted to make with His Son’s Father/His Father’s Son. One meaning is that it’s not so much that Arty defines himself by who his father is, but that right from the beginning, Timmy defines himself by reference to his son (and generally negatively). The other meaning is about what Timmy has come to see as the most important priority in his life; trying to be a father to his son. This scene draws both of those meanings together: what a horrible, awful moment that would have been for Timmy, to know that Arty would have been able to come up with a solution but not be able to do it himself, to have to admit it, and to realise that his inadequacy could cost his son his life.
I love writing Artemis in scheme mode. :) It’s so much fun to be a language lawyer! I love your phrasing “dangerous by being meek”. Another nail on the head of exactly what I was aiming for.
*laughs at the mental image of your dictator!Sool freaking out at the sight of a missing button* I’m glad you find my Sool believably Evol. :D
I’m glad you liked my Pandora – that was actually the hardest bit to think up in the entire story, because I knew what I wanted the weapon to do, and I wanted everyone to think they were right in the story, and I wanted the story to ostensibly show no weaknesses, but to foreshadow the weakness enough for Artemis to pick up on it… Aaargh! Writing a legend-to-order is really hard!
Foul/Fowl by name and nature – I believe the prophecy on the bottom of the book page refers to Artemis as “Fowl by name and fowl by nature”, so I was going off that. Of course, I haven’t been bothered to translate it myself, so…
And finally, I’m glad you mentioned Angeline and Timmy worrying about Arty, because it gives me the opportunity to wax lyrical. It’s interesting, because Angeline’s really quite a minor character plot-wise. Timmy only actually meets her eyes twice in the entire fic – his attention is on Holly all the way through the scene on explaining what’s going on to her, they’re just silently and constantly ready to support one another in the council-chamber and at the end – but the bond they share goes beyond having to speak to each other or even exchange looks. All of their attention is focussed outwards, on the surreality of the environment, on the situation, on their son, rather than on each other, and aspects of their relationship (like the ruby earrings) are highlighted in a “negative” way, but somehow all the implicit stuff makes it all the more obvious why Angeline couldn’t live without her husband. :D Or at least it was meant to. ;)
Schizy: Just, wow. Thank you for your dedicated and incredibly detailed reviews, they are much appreciated.
Thunderstorm101: He he, I agree, there’s something very frightening about Timmy and Arty working together, with the same evil grin!
Your theory on carving Foaly’s name + on the box is something I hadn’t even considered – although I guess he’s got Sool looking over his shoulder the whole time, so it’d be a bit hard, but yes… Well thought!
And I agree, they definitely needed human allies in TAI, so it would make sense to keep some around… I reckon that with Timmy and Arty working together they’ll be able to convince the Council to leave their minds alone. And poor Angeline, she’s just convinced her husband to leave a life of crime – and finds out her son’s been liaising with another species with all the dangers that entails!
There probably won’t be a sequel as such, but a Timmy who is very much like the one featured here seems to work his way into everything I write in the AF fandom (and I feel funny saying that, because I’ve only got one story posted, but I only publish stuff that is completed and polished, and I’ve got about eight half to three-quarter finished stories).
lalalalalala: Sorry the Morse code thing wasn’t clear enough – I’ll try to clarify here. Since I’m not quite sure which bit wasn’t clear, I’ll probably end up over-explaining – but you can skim over stuff you already know. Morse code was invented to send messages over via radio or over a primitive (compared to the telephone, anyway) wire. Each letter is sent through separately as a series of dots and dashes (or short beeps and long beeps). “S” for example, is a series of three short beeps, “O” is a series of three long beeps, “M” is a series of two long beeps. You may recognise “SMS” (three short beeps, two long beeps, three short beeps) from when your mobile phone receives a text message.
The classic message to send when you are in trouble is SOS, which stands for “Save Our Souls” (pretty meaningless in the modern context, but all it really means is something along the lines of “Help”). Using Morse code, you can spell the repeating message out by banging on a pipe, flashing a torch, or tapping a finger. (One man very famously blinked out the word “torture” in Morse code on his taped confession of war crimes to make it clear that he was only confessing to make the torture stop.) Even without Morse, the three letters of SOS can be spelled out with rocks on a beach, carved onto a coconut, scribbled on a quick message, etc.
What Artemis was doing was sending his entire message in Morse code – but he was worried that the whole message would appear too random, so he included SOS at several points to increase the chances of someone recognising the pattern. As far as using the tiles on the puzzle box was concerned, he was creating dots and dashes by using the white tiles as “silence”, one black tile as a “short beep” and two consecutive black tiles as a “long beep”.
Er… I’ve rambled again, haven’t I? Hope this answers your question.
As for the ending – ah, see that was the point! As far as Timmy was concerned, how it all ended was immaterial – despite the fact that the very idea of a mind-wipe is completely abhorrent and terrifying to him. Artemis was safe, so that was all that mattered. A few minutes after the end of the story, as soon as Artemis pushed him away, he would have swung back into full Scheming Bulldozing Timmy mode and Arty and Timmy would have taken on the council together – would they have ended up mind-wiped? I think probably not. But I’ve tied up all the loose ends I’m going to – if I tie up everything, the story’s finished and it goes straight out of your mind! As it is, the main action plot is resolved, the emotional plot comes to a neat close, and anything further would just be anticlimactic. Sorry!
Sorceress Sakura:Thanks! I certainly will make more stories, although probably not a sequel to this one.
crazy pineapple lady: Thanks for the dialogue suggestion, I think I may keep it the way it is at the moment because, as you say, the “I know something you don’t know” monologue is very Arty. :) I certainly did have fun writing it. And thank you also for the fudge! *eats a piece and sends back some reviewers!chocolate*
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And that's it - no really, that's to the end of my HUGE pile of reviews. If I've missed anyone, I'm sorry. And now it has become the small hours of the morning, and I shall go to bed to dream of plot-bunnies nibbling on my lovely shiny golden acorn...